Anandani Yoga

a little dose of art on a Monday... or 2096 doses, if your heart so desires

2012-02-13T11:43:00.001-05:00

I know this is not new, but I just wanted to share something that has brightened my days lately. Her Morning Elegance is an award-winning stop motion video (and a great song!), and now you can purchase a piece of art from a selection of 2096 single edition prints that were used to make the video. Click here to visit the photo gallery!

information de-cluttering update

2012-02-13T11:11:00.003-05:00

So this is my 2nd month of de-cluttering my technology use and so far, so good. I surprised even myself by checking facebook only twice over the past week - once on Friday, and once more during the weekend. Not so bad, if I do say so myself.

I'm definitely feeling the effects, in that it encourages me to stay in touch with people in more meaningful ways. Over the weekend I gave this good friend a call and caught up on each other's lives and other news. We also went to see a couple of friends for tea on Saturday, and had lunch with the same friends on Sunday. I think that's the most social weekend my husband and I have had over the past several weeks as we try to find balance with our very long working hours.

One might argue that it can be easy to do such things even with Facebook. Well, sure it can. However, I'm finding that interacting with people in more meaningful ways is more enriching to my life (and hopefully, the other person's life too). It can be all too easy to hibernate in the winter. And we all know how meaningful friendships and a support system are great for reducing stress and for overall well-being.

So. I'm working on making better choices overall, and trying to frame them in positive ways. I find that telling myself to choose something positive is more empowering than telling myself "NO _____". With that in mind, I ask myself: Does this activity serve as a mindless distraction, or truly enrich my life in some way?

Which made me think about the many ways I can choose something more positive in other areas of my life:

Does this food nourish my body long-term, or satisfy a short-term craving?
Does this "thing" provide beauty or serve a function (ideally both) in my home, or add to my clutter?
Does this thought reflect compassion, or perpetuate harm? (I am my worst critic, after all.)
Do my words speak of kindness, or negativity?

I guess unplugging does have more benefits than I expected... hope I can keep the positive choices going throughout the busy week (and months!) ahead. I realize that I will not make "perfect" choices 100% of the time, and that my not-so-good choices may not be intentional. But at least I can have these reminders to keep me on track, hopefully more often than not.

PS: An interesting article - The Joy of Quiet.

a vegetarian's dilemma

2012-02-09T08:20:00.007-05:00

This kindred spirit wrote a thoughtful post on her blog sometime ago about vegetarianism, veganism, raw food-ism, and other diets/lifestyles/"-isms".

It made me look back and think about my gradual transition to my current vegetarian diet, which for me personally means no animal flesh or by-products that require killing the animal (like broth or gelatin), but occasional dairy and eggs, organic and/or from a local farm whenever possible. Now one can debate on what does and does not constitute vegetarianism, however this is only my personal journey on how I've adopted the practice. And so, my transition:

around age 23: started giving up beef and pork. (Goodbye, pork adobo {the quintessential Filipino dish})

around age 24: started giving up chicken. (So long, chicken adobo... thinking, darn, my sister-in-law makes it really good...)

around age 26:
- Started giving up fish. (Hello, spinach adobo.)
- Thinking that a flesh-free diet was "kinder" to our environmental resources due to the waste products from factory farming.
- Had to explain myself a number of times to relatives during social gatherings, that unfortunately, I'd love to try your chicken pasta salad but can't just move the chicken aside and eat only the pasta. Or, sorry, I'll go for the pasta with creamy Alfredo sauce (ironic, I know) so I won't have to move the shrimp aside to eat my way through your shrimp, noodle, and vegetable stir-fry.
- Hoped I was not offending anybody at said social gatherings, given the food-centric, omnivore culture I was raised in, but at the same time felt good about my choice to be vegetarian for all these reasons.
- Viewed food choices as black-and-white: people place themselves in categories, in these "-isms". Made me think that perhaps I should as well.

around age 27:
- Experimented with a dairy-free and egg-free diet. I gave up dairy and eggs for a while, but did not adopt an allover vegan philosophy/lifestyle - meaning I still consumed honey, and used my existing leather shoes/purse, wool socks and coat, and silk scarves. I figured I'd rather keep them and use them rather than throw them into a landfill for the sake of calling myself "vegan."
- Ate more beans, lentils, nuts & nut butters, seeds, and whole grains as protein sources.
- Ate more soy.
- Got scared about the possible dangers of too much soy.
- Every now and then I missed raw fish sushi, due to the lack of creative options for vegetarian sushi beyond the ubiquitous, sad california veggie roll. (Raw fish sushi was so much a part of my childhood memories back home, as it was popular in the Philippines and in my family.)
- Started juicing fruits and vegetables.

around age 27, 2 months later:
- Went back to my occasional dairy and eggs for additional protein (was training for a race)
- Dessert was just too good for me to pass up (hence the dairy and eggs). Creme brulee is just not the same with silken tofu, and - rum pound cake was just SO much better with real, organic butter compared to Earth Balance "butter" and real eggs from the farmer's market compared to the egg substitute. Revelatory, I know.

around age 28:
- Read The World Peace Diet* and learned about (and read through parts of) The Omnivore's Dilemma*.
- Started questioning the "-isms". Felt somewhat inspired by The World Peace Diet, but I must have not fully understood its premise, as I was more confused than anything. In all honesty I wasn't sold on it -- believing that there are many other ways to peace than our food choices. Kudos to all those who tread lightly on the earth by adopting a plant-based, peaceful diet/lifestyle (and I say this with all sincerity - not trying to patronize here). But at the same time, I surmised that there could very likely be a peace-loving, compassionate omnivore raising animals humanely** just as much as there could be a belligerent non-flesh-eating person. And what about the rural farmer who makes a living and supports his family, supports his children's education/vocation through their sustainable animal farm?
- Viewed food choices as less black-and-white. Definitely more shades of gray.
- Liked Michael Pollan's mantra: "Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants." Liked the non-label, common-sense approach of this lifestyle choice. Still could not go back to being an omnivore though.

Source

- Still experimenting with eating minimal dairy and eggs; no animal flesh/broth whatsoever. Still eating mostly legumes, nuts, seeds, and grains as protein sources.
- Tried a few meat substitutes (e.g., packaged frozen veggie burgers) out of curiosity, and did not like most of them, especially the ones that claim to taste like beef. Tried seitan, and it was just...ok.
- Realized that I'd rather not have overly processed, "manufactured", and packaged meat substitutes as a part of my daily diet.

around age 28, 29, 30:
- Relied on my mainstay protein sources: legumes, nuts, seeds, grains. Soy in moderation: only miso, tofu, and soy milk.
- Did not miss meat.
- Still experimented with dairy-free and egg-free phases (short ones), but never completely "vegan".
- Feeling ok with my choices and health overall.
- Read Barbara Kingsolver's Animal, Vegetable, Miracle* and felt inspired to source food locally whenever possible (since I can't quite pack up and start a farm at this point). Reinforced my belief in that there are many ways to peace and sustainability (however that's defined - raising animals ethically**, smaller carbon footprint, supporting and contributing to your own local economy, etc etc etc).

Source

- Tried to buy more organic food at "Whole Paycheck," despite the higher price tag (I figured, I wasn't paying for other luxuries, such as cable TV - I could spend a bit more on my daily nourishment).
- Still a little confused about this whole "organic" vs "local" debate, as illustrated below:

Source

- This time though, I think people stopped asking about my choices and I stopped explaining. Of all my family members' questions though, my nephew's question is without a doubt the best one.

around age 31, 32:
- Started questioning my other lifestyle choices. Had these internal debates about my food choices vs other product choices - for example, choosing not to eat meat because I claim to dislike the idea of factory farming. But at the same time, I tend to buy clothes that are inexpensive but very likely made in less than ideal conditions in a sweatshop in a developing country - quite possibly the human equivalent of factory farming in agriculture. Who knows.
- Wondered, while I am fortunate to be in a situation in which I can make better food choices, why can't I make better choices with other products? I do try to support more "artisan" made products like those being sold on Etsy, but by and large it's the small price tag that draws me to the inexpensive (possibly sweatshop-produced) shirt vs the "fair trade" item or the homemade, but more expensive item.
- Then I remind myself (or try to convince myself) that it's not all or nothing - that every choice counts.
- And so I turn a blind eye...

{since you made it this far...}

age: a little shy of 33:
- I ate fish. Yes, you read that right. I. ATE. FISH. I went to Whole Paycheck yesterday and bought a 3-ounce piece of wild atlantic sockeye salmon***, which I baked simply in white wine, salt, and pepper. All in an effort to boost my possibly-deficient vitamin D levels.
- Pushed guilty thoughts aside, and decided to be thankful for this meal. Silently expressed gratitude for what I ~~doubt~~ ~~hope~~ trust to be a truly wild, beautiful, naturally salmon-pink piece of salmon that swam its way upstream, ate what was naturally available on the food chain, and had all sorts of adventures (or perhaps I should say misadventures) before landing on my plate, to be eaten along with a big pile of French green beans (haricot vert if you want to be fancy) sauteed in olive oil, garlic, and lemon.
- Started thinking that it was, in fact, a heck of a good meal... though I disliked the lingering, fishy aftertaste of my lunch afterwards. Or was it the aftertaste of guilt I disliked more?
- Brushed my teeth, perhaps also in an effort to metaphorically brush away any remaining guilt.
- And this is not too long after I did an online search on vegetarian vitamin D supplements (no bovine gelatin). Ah, the irony of it all...

What's a girl to do?

Do I hold fast to the "-ism" that I've defined for myself, or do I let it go, listen to my body, and fuel it with what I intuitively think it needs for my overall well-being?

Am I doing my body good, or taking the easy way out?

I don't know. Maybe I'm overthinking. I do know though (for now) that I'm not ready for fish to be an everyday staple.

Interestingly, here is an article on former vegetarians now eating (sustainably-farmed/ethically raised**) meat:

Why Vegetarians Are Eating Meat

And, another piece that can quite possibly be a response to the above article:

When Did Vegetarianism Become Passe?

Is this what we can now call a vegetarian's dilemma?

**********************

*I'm not attempting to do reviews or critiques of these books by any means... just my personal thoughts on the matter.

**One might argue that there's no such thing as an ethical process of raising animals for food, as the very act of killing them for food is unethical... but this topic is beyond what I'm writing about right now. Once again... this is just my personal journey.

*** 3 ounces did not actually cost my whole paycheck. :)

the burning question... from Danielle LaPorte

2012-02-08T14:24:00.003-05:00

Danielle LaPorte, in her website, asks: How do you want it to feel? This beautiful yogini-friend posted her response on her blog, and the thinking and imagery resulting from these questions became contagious. So I got inspired to do the same. Here goes...

- A Manifesto -

I want my day to feel like a busy yet calm, organized, and productive kitchen.

I want kissing to feel like the very first time.

I want my next success to feel like a soulfully composed photograph.

I want my body to feel like the grace, strength, and exuberant joy of a dolphin moving through the water.

I want smiling to feel like spring flowers turning their faces to the sun.

I want my friendships to feel like a refreshing breath of fresh air and a home-cooked meal -- warm and nurturing, made with love and positive energy, leaving people wanting to come back for seconds (or more!).

I want my nervous system to feel like a coconut oil massage on the beach in the Philippines, caressed by the tropical sun and the salty ocean breeze.

I want my neighborhood to feel like the energy, diversity, and community in a farmer's market on a Saturday morning.

I want my integrity to feel like a pillar of quiet strength, grace, and compassion.

I want my work to feel like a spirited, intelligent conversation between my left brain and right brain.

I want my money-making to feel like a nonzero-sum game.

I want my laughter to feel like a belly ache from laughing too hard at my comedian brother's jokes at our long, leisurely family dinners as I was growing up.

I want the end of the day to feel like a deep belly breath, a delicious yin stretch, and a warm hug from my husband.

I want being of service to feel like kaizen in the world of education.

I want my philanthropy to feel like what sunshine does to plant life, nourishing and allowing them to blossom and bear fruit.

I want my challenges to feel like a cooking experiment: relying on knowledge, experience, creativity, and intuition, then taking a calculated risk.

I want my writing to feel like a reminder of the connection between all of us as human beings in this world, dreaming, aspiring, doing, and finding our way in our messy and delicious lives.

I want my love to feel like ocean waves gently lapping the shore -- magical, yet steadfast and certain.

I want my ideas to feel like a young child discovering and exploring the world for the first time.

I'd love to hear from you, friends... how do you want it to feel?

"sunshine on my shoulders...

2012-02-07T13:31:00.002-05:00

...makes me happy..." (John Denver)

Yesterday I went to see a new doctor who came highly recommended by a friend. I feel fortunate that, besides my yearly physical exam, I don't actually have to see doctors much (knock on wood). But when I do, I would like to see someone who puts me at ease and lets me ask whatever questions I have. This doctor turned out to be really sweet, and she made me feel that she was really devoting that hour to me.

After our conversation, she suspected that I may be vitamin D-deficient, which is actually a common condition for those living far away from the equator. I knew that vitamin D plays into our health and well-being in so many ways - from the health of our bones, muscles, and even our heart, to our affect, mood, and energy. I actually have stopped wearing sunblock or any products containing sunscreen for the past few years, for this very reason (and for the nasty chemicals that are in many sunscreen brands). Neither my job nor my lifestyle requires me to spend all day in the sun - in which case one should wear protective clothing, or be selective about sunscreen products. Here in Cleveland, where bright sunshine is not an everyday occurrence (to put it mildly), healthy sun exposure becomes even more important to me. Since I am naturally tan (genetics + growing up in the tropics), it actually takes larger doses of sun exposure for my body to generate vitamin D than fair-skinned people. Natural News is a great source on information on the topic, such as this article and this one.

It's funny that despite knowing these things, I feel like it only hit me when someone told me that I may be vitamin D-deficient. Of course, it takes a blood test to actually confirm it (which I will do sometime this week). But it may explain the things I'm feeling, rather than trying to convince myself that I'm only imagining it.

I believe that if we listen to our bodies, our bodies will tell us what we need. No wonder every time the sun has come out this winter, I jump at the chance to be outside to get some sun. Thankfully we've been having a mild winter (and I mean 40 degree weather in January and February - almost unheard of in my neck of the woods - which makes me a happy girl). So every chance I get I've been going outside, even to walk and do my errands. Unfortunately, I was told that only exposing the face, which is the only exposure I get in the winter, is not enough. Neither is sitting in a car or indoors by a window - because the glass blocks The UV rays. I would actually need to expose myself directly to the sun when the sun is at its peak while wearing shorts and a sleeveless top, for about 20 minutes (maybe more because of my tan skin). I get this easily in the summer months, but not for most of the year.


would love to be sun-kissed on a beach right now... (Source)

I wish we could have lots of sunshine for the most natural vitamin D, but I may have to resort to supplements to get my recommended 2,000 IUs. Vitamin D from food alone is not enough, as I learned from this article - plus many of these sources are not vegetarian. I've been trying to find supplements that are vegetarian (no gelatin) in case the blood test does confirm that I do need it.

Have you had your vitamin D levels checked? What are your thoughts on this? Are you as affected by the winter blues as I am?

happy Friday!

2012-02-03T12:06:00.000-05:00

Source

internet discipline and information de-cluttering

2012-01-31T16:47:00.003-05:00

I've noticed feelings of restlessness lately, in part due to task lists and a myriad of thoughts and questions regarding my work. But it's also due, in part, to an inability to streamline my use of technology and filter information. What with x number of gadgets with which to check email, read the news, my favorite blogs, watch a yoga instructional video, etc etc... information is literally at my fingertips with a touch or swipe of the screen (thanks to the "fruit company" - remember that from Forrest Gump?). Coupled with my anxious and distractible tendencies, that does not make for a good situation.

The physical effects of technology (over)use

The challenge is that my work requires me to be in front of a screen for hours on end, searching research databases, reading research articles in pdf/electronic form, typing on a document, creating presentations, participate in webconferencing for online teaching, attend "webinars" for professional development... So much that I started feeling my eyelids throbbing, headaches, as well as shoulder and neck tension.

And then there's a matter of all this screen time making me more sedentary. I am really feeling the effects of the extended periods of sitting, in contrast to my previous job teaching children, in which I was almost constantly moving. Humans were not meant to be sedentary, and my lower back ache and shoulder aches are reminding me of that. My comical older brother once told me his prediction that thousands of years from now, with all these modern conveniences, humans will evolve into butts with eyes. As funny and ridiculous as it sounds, it does seem like we can head into that direction at some point - with all the time we spend sitting on our tushies. Funny, yet scary thought.

Is technology making me antisocial?

Because so much of my work is solitary, I realized that I need to be much more thoughtful about how I spend my non-work time. I work on campus 2-3 times a week, the rest of the week I work at home. And I can go a little bit crazy not having real face-to-face interaction with a human being after a few days of solitary work. With the many ways to cyber-connect with people - there's Blogger (stating the obvious, I know), Facebook, Twitter (which I don't use), Pinterest (a recent addiction - but I'm not using it for networking, just archiving images), LinkedIn, etc... all these give an illusion of being truly connected. I do believe in how it does help connect people to a certain degree. I've found "long-lost" friends through these social media. But it's certainly not a replacement for in-person interaction.

Also, after having moved to a new city, I have to say I have not built the same kind of friendships that I had when I lived in Cincinnati. Such things take time. Once again, social networking can lead me to think that I'm in touch with people. But that's not entirely the case - as nothing beats a phone call, or better yet, an afternoon tea or coffee date with a friend and being truly present with that person. So last week, I was curious about a friend of mine whom I have not talked to in a while. Instead of checking her status on Facebook, I decided to give her a call. Although she lives in a city 4 hours away, a phone conversation was certainly better than quickly checking her Facebook page. It can be all too easy to just check her page, but I'm glad I chose another way.

When it becomes too much...

When I was working full-time in a structured 8-5 schedule (outside of the home), I was probably checking Facebook maybe once a week or even once in two weeks. All that started to change when my work situation changed - and I found myself checking it everyday, sometimes even two to three times a day. Not so much to update my status (I don't think I need to announce what I'm doing 24/7), but just out of curiosity about others. It can all be so overwhelming. So for the past few weeks, I decided to only check it once a day. (side note - what do you think about this article about the potentially negative emotional effects of Facebook?). But...I have not one but two Facebook accounts - one for personal reaons, the other solely for professional purposes, because I like keeping them separate. And then I'm also an admin for an organization's Facebook page. Aaaaaaahhhhh.....

I had a recent email conversation with this friend, with whom I was on the same page feeling overwhelmed about the Internet. She decided to limit her Internet browsing time to 2-3 hours a day. While I'd love to do the same, unfortunately my current work situation requires more screen time than that. But again, it's about making a choice - given that I have to spend much of my day in front of a screen, outside of my work do I mindlessly sit in front of the computer and search the Internet for random things, or do I make more thoughtful choices about how I spend my already limited free time?

So... I'm making my list to de-clutter and manage the information coming my way.

Check Facebook (personal and professional pages) only once a day
Unsubscribe from mailing lists that are no longer relevant or in which I'm no longer interested
Check blog updates on my Google Reader 3x a week instead of everyday
Create short blocks of time to do solid work without checking email; or, schedule specific times during the day to check my email inbox

I'm hoping that with better time management, I can then have more time to engage in more meaningful communication with others - give someone an actual phone call, a more personal email, or even a card via snail mail. I love technology and the possibilities it offers to make work more efficient, collaborative, and creative. But technology should be a means to an end, not an end in itself.

How do you feel about technology and the Internet? Have you at some point felt like it was interfering or taking over your life? How do you do your own "information management"?

Ed. 2.3.12: I have decided to reduce my facebook checking even more. Once a day for my professional/group page and personal page 4-5x per week.

kitchen therapy

2012-01-28T11:17:00.001-05:00

There's something so incredibly peaceful about simple, old-fashioned ways of doing things. This video of making homemade pesto (sans food processor or any other electronic kitchen equipment) is a great example of that. I love how the videographer just focused on her hands the whole time - emphasizing the grace, gentleness, and intentionality of her movements. Listening to the music and watching the movement of her hands was stress-relieving enough for me -- mirroring my own tendencies to keep my hands busy when I'm nervous or anxious.

Classic Pesto from Kinfolk on Vimeo.

Here's to a peaceful, restful winter weekend.

yoga asanas as a reflection of life

2012-01-27T15:26:00.003-05:00

Recently I wrote about how I tend to stick to my "safe" poses in my yoga practice.

I've come to the realization that, at least for me, there is an inverse relationship between age and risk-taking. (sorry, geek moment.)

I've tried scuba-diving, wakeboarding, skiing, whitewater rafting, and skydiving. Not activities for the faint of heart, I might say.

my first skydive (2007) - yes, that really is me up there!
photo credit

But I recall the last time I went skiing last winter - I was so much more cautious, to the point of being scared. It was a stark contrast to the first time I tried it. I'm not a great skier by any means, but I felt that based on my first try years ago, my body awareness and balance wasn't bad and I did a pretty decent job for a beginner.

Then recently, I've also been much more cautious during my yoga practice. It's not wrong. It's always good to err on the side of caution. But the downside is that I am not challenging myself, not exploring a variety of poses that might be good for me. I've been sticking to my comfort zone, perhaps a little bit too much.

Then my aha moment came when I realized that I'm taking the same approach to life. I've had some good (I think) ideas brewing in my mind, about "projects" to take on for the year. But I've become fearful - asking myself all the possible what-if questions. So I haven't taken action on my ideas. Mirroring the changes in my asana practice, I've been sticking to my comfort zone in life as well. A stark difference compared to my old ways of always seeking, exploring, challenging.

Perhaps it's true what they say (whoever "they" are) - that the body holds emotions. Places of tightness, resistance in the "outer" body are indicators of tightness and resistance in the "inner" body.

Hmmm.

But in a yoga asana practice, I know I can take calculated risks. I can, with awareness, determine what my body is and isn't ready for that day.

Just as I can take calculated risks in life.

Do you believe your body holds emotions? How does your yoga/movement practice mirror your life?

meet resistance with ease

2012-01-24T15:54:00.001-05:00

I'm going through a little craziness this week. Much of it is my own doing (as usual... still trying to master Covey's time management matrix), but I'm really feeling the effects of my misguided prioritizing.

But enough with the guilt - it does not really help the situation.

I felt the anxiety creeping up on me again today. I now recognize the warning signs: tension in my shoulders and neck, tightness in my chest, shortness of breath (despite not doing anything vigorous or remotely physical).

First I started pacing around the apartment.

Then I started trying to go through my stacks of papers and other things to read. Didn't help either.

I resisted the urge to stress-eat my way through my Vosges Haut Chocolat Black Salt Caramel dark chocolate. (Ok, I did eat a small piece though.)

I ignored (with difficulty) the urge to stress-cook.

And then I came across these words: meet resistance with ease.

(Imagine light bulb turning on here)

So I came back to the most natural, yet sometimes most difficult thing to do: BREATHE.

I sat on a chair so I can support my back and shoulders, closed my eyes, and breathed.

At first it was challenging - with the many deadlines and tasks swirling around in my brain. I almost gave up, thinking, "I should use all the precious minutes I have today to work." But I decided to sit with it for a while.

I used the sound of my breath to drown my thoughts, and focused on listening to its sound. It was almost like white noise; steady and soothing. I realized the ease with which I can breathe. And I came back to what I knew all along: I CAN calm my mind. I CAN calm my nerves.

With every inhale I summoned my strengths and gifts to bring to my work.

With every exhale I visualized the weight slowly lifting from my shoulders and chest.

Meet resistance with ease...

resetting my system

2012-01-17T16:29:00.000-05:00

Do you ever feel like you are out of balance? As though your operating system needs an update and a reboot (I can't believe I'm using computer lingo!)?

This past weekend I certainly felt like hitting the "reset" button. I think that I've been feeling this imbalance that has been slowly building up over time as a result of some not-so-great habits.

I've been reading a little bit about Ayurveda (translates to "the science for longevity"). I'm not reading any particular books, just websites for now - such as this one and this one. I've always wanted to study Ayurveda a bit more systematically, but my "main" area of study has been my priority. I have a feeling I'll just be a perpetual student of life. After I get those elusive three letters behind my name, I'd like to study yoga more fully again, as well as Ayurveda, and photography, a new language, and....

Ok, back to my imbalance. As I wrote about in this old post, I believe my predominant dosha (mind-body-state) is vata. Lately, I've been feeling very distracted and unable to focus, both during work and rest periods. I toss and turn at night, thus affecting my energy level and alertness the following day.

I also started thinking about times in which I felt my system was in balance - when I felt energized, alert, creative, and rested. As I reflected more, the list below started making more sense to me...

Source

I would say the second bullet point has been difficult for me: maintain a consistent daily routine. As I no longer have a regular 8-5 day job and work at home most of the time (except for 2 days on campus), structuring my time productively has been a challenge. When I did work a regular job, I was busybusybusy and yet I made time for movement and creative outlets as well as social activities and volunteering. My life was full.

It's because I had a consistent schedule. Consistency is grounding. This tip sounds like a no-brainer, but it's amazing how much of a lifestyle change working at home is. On some days, I have tried to actually get dressed in the morning as though I were going to work, even if it was a work-at-home day. I've heard of other work-at-home folks who really get dressed in corporate attire, have a separate physical space for working at home, and only get out of their home office to take a scheduled lunch break and scheduled breaks in between. And they swear by it as being effective. Wow - that's a lot of discipline! With my work-at-home situation, it's been all too easy to lounge in comfy yoga pants with my messy bed-head while working... and it's been all too easy to get distracted.

Keep exercise gentle and regulated. I have been thinking about this one too, especially after reading a friend's blog post about exercise (a great read!), particularly on increasing stimulation and exercise intensity to stay challenged and continue strengthening muscles. But I suppose I can still challenge myself and increase intensity in gentle ways. Especially thinking about how I'm (a) already in my thirties and losing bone density right this minute, and (b) osteoporosis runs in my family - I do need to incorporate more challenging exercises into my routine, while listening to the needs of my body. I've been doing the 21-day yoga challenge to keep myself inspired and motivated rather than sticking to my same old routine of only favored poses. It truly is important to mix it up and practice poses you don't like as much (as long as they are still safe and appropriate for you) to stimulate other muscles not otherwise challenged, and to challenge the mind as well (hello, revolved triangle). Last weekend's yoga challenge video was a lot of core work (it felt more like Pilates!), and boy did I feel it the next day - only goes to show how much I've neglected my core.

On sleep... Last week, I was also on a better sleep schedule. I got 7-8 hours of good sleep and started my days earlier than usual. And then the weekend rolls around... and I slept in both days, resulting in a lot of tossing and turning the following night. I'm feeling the effects of that now. I think that there's room to be forgiving in terms of my sleep schedule on the weekend, but sleeping in for maybe 30 minutes later than usual is probably more reasonable than sleeping in for 2 hours past my weekday wake-up time.

"Express your creativity in focused and satisfying ways and allocate space and time for this." I like this piece of advice. I know I do better overall when I have a creative outlet - whether it has to do with food or photography, or even just home design/improvement and rearranging things at home in artful ways.

"up at the trees" original print by this friend, printed in wallet size and arranged asymmetrically in multiples

How do you stay balanced?

orange scones: celebrating this season's citrus

2012-01-15T21:19:00.002-05:00

I have really been into anything citrus, as I am every winter. Fresh oranges and grapefruit. Blood orange Italian soda. Orange olive oil tea cake.

Last night, despite the winter storm warning, A. and I went to a nearby Italian restaurant called Flour. It was full on a Saturday night, but we gladly sat at the bar - which almost always turns out to be a great decision. The main dining area feels more upscale, whereas the bar is more laid-back, and more characteristic of the the restaurant's tagline: "rustic Italian kitchen". We watched the pizza chefs bake maybe 30 or so thin-crust, wood-fired pizzas throughout our dinner. The pizza chefs were friendly and conversational, but not overly so - and helpful in answering any questions about the menu. Because of my citrus craving, I chose this amazing salad of shaved fennel, cara cara oranges, pea tendrils, pink peppercorns, dressed in a citrus (blood orange I think?) vinaigrette. The flavors were spot on. AAnd for dessert, I ordered the winter citrus panna cotta topped with blood orange whipped cream. Absolutely delicious, creamy, but not cloyingly sweet. We enjoyed our dinner watching large snowflakes fall slowly outside the tall windows.

But back to the recipe... (how easily distracted I get)

Recently A. also had a craving for orange scones -- and of course I jumped at the chance to take a short break from work to make a batch. If it isn't obvious already, I'll take any excuse to be in the kitchen.

(Loving my "S" mug above - I didn't take my husband's last name after getting married [long story], but I can at least have a mug with the initial letter of his last name. :)

Orange Scones
makes about a dozen

1 1/4 cup all-purpose flour*
1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour* (not regular whole wheat flour for bread)
4 teaspoons baking powder
1/4 cup white granulated sugar
Zest of 1 1/2 to 2 oranges (you can probably just use the zest of 1 orange, but we like a more intense orange flavor)
Pinch of salt
5 tablespoons cold unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
1/2 cup orange juice - freshly squeezed
1 teaspoon orange extract (optional)
1/4 cup plain, whole milk Greek yogurt (can sub sour cream)

Egg wash:
1 egg
1 tablespoon milk or water

1. Position your oven rack in the center of the oven, then preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Line 2 cookie sheets with Silpat or parchment paper.
2. In a large bowl, whisk flour, baking powder, sugar, orange zest, and salt until everything is well-combined. Add the cold butter using a pastry cutter (or your hands, which I did - your hands are your best tools, after all!) and work the butter gently into the dry ingredients until the mixture is crumbly with pea-sized chunks.
3. Stir together the orange juice and Greek yogurt in a small bowl, then add to the dough. Take care not to overmix the dough! Overmixing makes the gluten develop, resulting in tough scones.
4. Roll scones into a ball (about a quarter cup in amount) and place on the cookie sheets. You can also use a cookie scoop for more even portioning. Flatten slightly with your hand so that they become 2-inch rounds.
5. Whisk together the egg and milk and brush over the top of the scones. Let the scones rest for 10 minutes before baking.
6. Bake for 10-12 minutes or until the tops are just lightly browned. Transfer to a wire rack. Let cool to room temperature before glazing.

Orange Glaze
1/3 cup powdered sugar
1 tablespoon orange juice
In a small bowl, stir powdered sugar and orange juice until smooth. If the consistency is too thick, add more orange juice until it is smooth. Drizzle lightly over the cooled scones.

I love how moist and light these scones are. I've had my fair share of store-bought scones that felt as dry as cardboard and as hard as a rock - and since then scones had not been one of my favorite pastries - until this recipe!

* You can also use 1 3/4 cups all-purpose flour instead of the 2 kinds of flour.

21-day yoga challenge: are you in?

2012-01-11T20:42:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of a fresh and positive start to the new year:

21-Day Yoga Challenge

I'm a little late in hearing about this (I believe it's day 3 now), but for whatever it's worth, I'm sharing here.

Options include beginner and intermediate levels, as well as tracking and sharing your progress by joining on facebook (or not!). The challenge includes a guided yoga asana practice (with video), a guided meditation practice, and even vegetarian meals.

But I believe the real challenge is maintaining a healthy lifestyle as best we can the other 344 days of the year.

Well, a little motivation right now can't hurt, right?

How are you challenging yourself this year?

yoga: healthy or hurtful?

2012-01-10T22:14:00.000-05:00

My yoga instructor sent me this recent New York Times article on "how yoga can wreck your body."

As in all other things -- even something as wholesome-sounding as yoga -- can be dangerous when taken to the extreme and when focus, awareness, and proper preparation are lacking.

Photo credit

I love advanced poses. Watching others do them, I mean. To be quite honest, I'm not one to include those beautiful acrobatic asanas in my practice. Part of it has to do with my somewhat paranoid tendencies -- having lived by myself for years (before marriage), far away from my home country and my family, I sometimes had irrational thoughts about injuring myself during a home yoga practice, getting knocked unconscious and laying there undiscovered until days later. (I know... like I said, paranoid and irrational. But hey... it can happen, right? Knock on wood. Knock on wood with me, please.)

So I stuck with "safer" poses. Poses in which the chances of me getting knocked unconscious, or slamming my face onto the floor and breaking my front teeth (ok, so that's a bit graphic) are quite slim. It's a little ironic coming from someone who was a gymnast in her childhood. I guess I've turned into an overly cautious adult, but sun salutations, standing poses, seated poses, supine poses, gentle inversions have been my asanas of choice; practicing poses like headstand only occasionally - or unless with an experienced yoga instructor. So despite practicing yoga for about 10 years now, I can't do those jaw-dropping, gravity-defying advanced poses.

And you know what? That is ok. Throughout my yoga journey I've come to the realization that the ability to do jaw-dropping poses does not make me a "better" yoga practitioner. Don't get me wrong - I have utmost respect for people with the strength and balance to be able to do advanced poses. Their focus and discipline are inspiring, and their execution of these poses is like art in motion. It just leaves me mesmerized.

Photo credit

I once heard someone say, "advanced poses are overrated." That was coming from a yoga practitioner who CAN do advanced poses. I chuckled at that, remembering my exhilaration when I first learned to hold an arm balance. I remember feeling a sense of both centeredness and expansion, in being able to focus my energy toward a pose and accomplish something I once thought I couldn't.

But in a recent yoga class, our instructor had us work on only 3 "simple" poses, breaking each one down all the way to the anatomy and physiology of the pose and the pelvic alignment that goes into the pose. (Our instructor is BIG on pelvic alignment - her classes have been extremely eye-opening and informative). Yes, we "only" worked on 3 very-basic looking poses, but these turned out to be incredibly complex. I've never worked this hard on "just" 3 poses in a long time. I felt those same feelings of centeredness and expansion at the same time. And believe me, I felt it in my muscles the next day. Safety is also a huge theme in her class - always focusing on breaking down the asanas to the most basic components, and preparing the body for each. Because it's not just the advanced acrobatics that can have potential dangers - even a seemingly "simple" pose, like a seated twist, can be unsafe if not done correctly.

The thought of potential yoga injuries (not just in myself, but in others) has been my major deterrent to going back to teaching yoga. I haven't kept up with my study of anatomy for a while, and I worry about not having enough knowledge in this area. Sure, I can probably still sequence a class fairly well. I still know some of the basic contraindications of poses. But when it comes to students who have pre-existing injuries or medical concerns, I am concerned that I may not have the anatomy knowledge to teach them safely. Not a fault of my teacher training by any means; I just haven't kept up with my self-study. I do need to revisit my yoga anatomy book (just found out there is a 2nd edition!). Here is another great book on the use of props in yoga (don't be misled by the title!). Props are extremely helpful for increasing safety, promoting proper alignment, and getting to the point of a healthy, delicious stretch.

Here is another interesting article on the topic of the possible safety issues in yoga.

And here is an interesting take on facing your fears in advanced poses.

Photo credit

Do you find these articles on the "dangers" of yoga concerning? What are your thoughts on advanced poses? Do you like them? Do you face your fears or stick to your safety zone?

living a dream... well, in the movies at least

2012-01-08T22:05:00.014-05:00

A. and I just saw Midnight in Paris this weekend, as a perfect stay-at-home date night, curled up on the couch with a warm blanket and a dish of French macarons. How fitting. Anyway, back to the movie...

What a great film! The cinematography, the script, the music... all taking place in the City of Lights. I loved the "dreamy-ness" (yes, that's a word) of the movie - an aspiring novelist being inside the world of the literary and artistic greats of the 1920's.


I love this movie poster - set against Van Gogh's Starry Night. Photo credit

Although it wasn't particularly "heavy" acting, I loved Marion Cotillard in this movie - with her French-accented English and 1920's flapper ensembles combined with an effortless, modern coolness. I could seriously have a girl-crush on her.

Photo credit

Gil (Owen Wilson's character): "Can you picture how drop-dead gorgeous this city is in the rain? Imagine this town in the 20's. Paris in the 20's, in the rain. The artists and the writers!"

Photo credit

My favorite line from the movie:

Ernest Hemingway: "I believe that love that is true and real creates a respite from death. All cowardice comes from not loving or loving well, which is the same thing. And when the man who is brave and true looks death squarely in the face, like some rhino hunters I know, or Belmonte who is truly brave, it is because they love with sufficient passion to push death out of their minds. Until it returns, as it does to all men, and then you must make really good love again. Think about it."

Sigh. They just don't make many movies like this anymore.

Even A., whose favorites include the Godfather trilogy, the Bourne series, and The Italian Job, truly loved this film, and was equally captured by Ernest Hemingway's line above.

The story does lead you to a "suspension of disbelief." But just go along with it, and enjoy it without question.

thankful

2012-01-07T15:31:00.011-05:00

I don't want to jinx it, but so far we've been having a fairly mild winter here in Cleveland. High 30s to mid-40's -- even low 50's at times -- in JANUARY??? In the snow belt of Ohio? Unheard of. But, I'm not complaining. I hope it lasts!

A. and I bundled up and went for a 4-mile trail walk in our nearby park. The sunshine was glorious!

North Chagrin Metropark*

We got our stiff winter-time muscles to work again, and stretched with our faces toward the sun.

Aaaahhhhh.... So thankful for days like this.

After that we were starving, so we headed to our nearby authentic Mexican restaurant. What can I say, walking and sunshine made me thirsty for horchata and hungry for a good bowl of guacamole. ;-)

*I am still amazed at how well iPhone photos turn out!

"make the rest of your life the best of your life"

2012-01-03T13:10:00.003-05:00


the rest of our lives...photo taken by this dear soul

I subscribe to Cheryl Richardson's e-newsletters, and I read this quote from Louise Hay in last Sunday's email:

"I choose to make the rest of my life the best of my life."

It seems to me that there are 2 camps on the new year's resolutions debate. Some love it, some seem to hate it. A friend of mine wrote about "expounding on the good rather than pounding on the bad." I like that. It's not "I will give up this bad habit", rather, "I choose to adopt/practice this positive habit."

I personally find that I like taking this time to plan, and dream. I realize that the years in which I put words on paper are the years in which I took action.

Here are some questions with which to start planning and dreaming (with credit to Cheryl Richardson):

What new opportunities would you like to pursue in 2012?

What exciting changes are you ready to make?

Who will help make the journey fun and inspiring?

What one, helpful habit are you willing to develop to support your efforts?

I have to admit, I'm not quite ready to share them here yet... I am choosing to hold them close to my heart for now as these plans and ideas "incubate". Some are a little scary, a little outside of my comfort zone... but what is life without those experiences?

In the meantime... I am writing, making lists, and dreaming... and I hope that sometime this year, I will step outside of my comfort zone and just do it.

Big thanks to Sharon for this lovely notebook :)

welcome, 2012!

2012-01-01T13:53:00.001-05:00

Photo credit

Thought for the new year:

"Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier." - Mother Teresa

I'd like to adopt this thought as my new morning and bedtime prayer this year...

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T15:48:00.002-05:00

strike anywhere.

2011-12-20T10:06:00.002-05:00

I can't help but smile watching this... and believe me, after you do, you'll just want to turn on some music and dance - in your living room, your office, wherever.

"Taking yourself too seriously is the first sign of a boring life." - Garance Dore

Now I want to learn to dance the Madison...

Have a great week!

*Side note: I personally cringe and find it inappropriate when the word "retard" is used as slang in conversation. But in French, as in the words in the video, "retard" means "late" - so the sentence above translates to "It is late." (The very little I remember from one year of French in college.)

obsessive joy

2011-12-19T09:11:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine, who is a parent of a child with an exceptionality, shared this article on "The Obsessive Joy of Autism." It was written by teenager with autism.

I read it and couldn't stop crying.

What a great reminder for us to acknowledge that joy is expressed in many diverse ways, as diverse as the people expressing it.

As an educator, I am aware of the differing opinions on "stimming," the behavior that tends to accompany the diagnosis of autism - whether to let it be or discourage it and modify the behavior toward "more appropriate" (quotation marks are intentional) behavior. Whether the stimming is significant enough that it interferes with social interactions or quality of life. Whether it is self-injurious, etc etc etc.

But reading this just seemed to naturally pull my questioning researcher's lens off - and I read the article with the most "feeling" part of me. And I realized yet again that doing that is not a bad thing. It makes me a better educator.

I won't say anymore about it, as the article itself is just so eloquently and insightfully written.

Read it here.

"murmurations" - nothing short of amazing

2011-12-09T08:00:00.001-05:00

I know this video has gone viral already, but I can't help but re-post it here - it is incredible!

Murmuration from Sophie Windsor Clive on Vimeo.

stop and smell the roses... or, listen to the violin

2011-12-08T12:26:00.001-05:00

In 2007 the Washington Post had an article about a professional classical violinist who played in one of the metro stations in D.C. during the morning rush hour, as an experiment of sorts. This musician who can command upwards of $100 for a decent seat at a concert made about $32 for 45 minutes of playing 6 classical pieces, including Bach's Chaconne. Very few people stopped to listen. Nearby, people were lining up to buy lottery tickets instead. Some people did throw pennies and loose change into his violin case. Finally, a passerby who recognized the classical pieces threw in a $5 bill.

The article brought up some interesting perspectives of beauty. What is beauty, anyway? What is art? What kind of context do we need to truly appreciate art and beauty? Do the surroundings matter - i.e., a chaotic metro station vs a plush concert hall? What would it take for us the recognize the diamond in the rough? And I also thought, what would I have done? Would I have stopped to listen? What if I were on my way to a job interview that morning?

It reminds me of a scene in one of my favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption (I know, this is the second time I've written about it in just a few weeks, but I just watched it again for the nth time recently). The protagonist, Andy, was working in the prison warden's office, and seized the opportunity to play a record of a soprano and transmit it over the speaker system - making it loud and clear throughout the whole prison and grounds. All the prisoners - hardened by their own crimes, their incarceration experience - stopped in their tracks to listen to the music, looking up at the speakers as though it were a voice coming from heaven. It made me cry the first time I watched it, thinking about the emotions running through the characters' souls during this scene - perhaps, feelings of hope... but if nothing else, wonder.

Anyway, an interesting read. Click here.

slowing down...

2011-12-07T14:08:00.002-05:00

I used to be a get-up-and-go person. In my old life. When I was living back home and blessed with tropical sunshine almost every day, I would wake up to glorious morning sunlight streaming into my bedroom from my east-facing window. I would wake up early even on a Saturday to swim laps for almost 2 hours. Or do cartwheels every chance I had.

California, 2006

Those were the days...Where was the boundless energy I used to have in my twenties? I'm not that old!

Sometimes I feel like a different person now - dragging myself to get out of bed when it's so gray and dreary outside. I don't know what it is, but sunshine just has a tremendous influence on my mood and energy. It's always such a challenge during the winter season.

My yoga practice has changed quite a bit, as well. My beginning yoga practice during my twenty-something years were filled with a very active and dynamic practice 5x a week. And that's in addition to running and Pilates. Now, it's been a real challenge to "salute the sun" in vigorous sun salutations/Surya Namaskara when I can't see the sun in the morning. And on those days, all I want to do is this:

Seated Twist/Ardha Matsyendrasana/Half Lord of the Fishes Pose
photo from yogajournal.com

Sometimes, this pose is the most active pose of my day:

Low Lunge/Crescent Pose/Anjaneyasana
photo from yogajournal.com

I haven't been practicing headstand for a while. Lately this is all the energy I can muster for an inversion:

Legs-up-the-wall pose/Viparita Karani
photo from yogajournal.com

And this one below is probably my all-time favorite on days like this:

restorative forward bend
photo from yinyoga.com

All of these are great poses though - the seated twist is a really good spine and hip stretch. Crescent pose always feels incredible in the hip flexors after extended periods of sitting (which I tend to do for work). With legs-up-the-wall we reverse the flow of gravity in an inversion - just like you would in a headstand but in a more supported way. And the restorative forward bend is so great for decompressing the lower back.

I hope to get out of this low-energy phase soon... but in the meantime, I'll enjoy my restorative poses.

it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2011-12-05T01:06:00.004-05:00

It's December! The time of the year which always makes me nostalgic and long for home and the comforting memories of leisurely days with family, spent sitting around a large dinner table, sharing and enjoying a meal, exchanging stories. There was always an abundance of food and an abundance of laughter - especially with my brother who could imitate and impersonate just about anyone... plus a great-aunt who was also wacky, unconventional, and just delightful. Between the two of them, we would be practically falling off our seat laughing, our bellies aching not just from food but from the uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Every year I debate with myself whether to decorate my home for Christmas or not. Although I know that Christmas isn't about the lights and the ornaments, there's a comfort in going through traditions. Ever since I left home and lived on my own, I always decided not to decorate - as I tend to go out of town and visit family that time of year. But this year though, I decided to put together a few simple things.

A DIY wreath - which cost all of $4!!! Made from materials from the dollar store - $1 for the plain wreath and $1 per pair for 3 pairs of gold accent pieces.

A pillar candle for $1 per pair, on a red saucer. Surrounded by sparkly snowflake ornaments from C&B

Pinecones in a clear glass bowl... always nice to have some natural elements. It's not clear from the photo, but I love this asymmetrical glass bowl. Its free-form shape adds an organic touch.

I love the texture natural materials add to a space.

And last, but not the least...

Spanish-style hot chocolate

Spanish-style hot chocolate...one of my most favorite childhood memories of Christmas. My family and I grew up drinking this chocolate, which my mom made frequently during the holidays, but also throughout the year -- to celebrate a birthday, to welcome friends our houseguests, or to enjoy with Spanish-Filipino style pastries for an afternoon snack. Each time my mom made it, it was always in a big pot for the whole family as well as friends dropping by - expected or not. The smell of chocolate would waft through the whole house, inviting everyone to gather around the table for a leisurely cup of chocolate. Now I've brought the tradition over here and shared it with friends as well.

This chocolate is not for the faint of heart -- it is made with pure unsweetened cocoa.

Here's what you'll need:
A small saucepan, preferably with a thick/heavy bottom, and ideally with a pouring spout.
A heatproof rubber spatula (or anything you can use for stirring)

This recipe makes hot chocolate for 2:

2 ounces unsweetened chocolate (the one we always used back home comes in round tablets, about an ounce each)

¼ cup water

3 teaspoons sugar (turbinado or raw sugar is good, but regular sugar is fine as well)

A tiny pinch of sea salt

A tiny pinch of instant coffee or instant espresso

3 tablespoons milk, or to taste

Start by melting the chocolate tablets with water over medium-low heat. Be sure to stir so that it melts evenly – the rubber spatula helps with scraping any chocolate on the bottom of the saucepan so it doesn’t burn.

Once the chocolate is melted, add sugar. Start with 3 teaspoons of sugar to make a bittersweet chocolate drink (my personal preference), or add more to make a sweeter drink. Add sea salt – it sounds unusual, but a little salt brings out all the flavors. Then add the coffee, because a little coffee makes chocolate taste even better.

Add 3 tablespoons of milk, or half-and-half if you want a richer flavor. This makes a dark hot chocolate, but you can always add more milk to lighten it up.

Pour into espresso or demitasse cups. Enjoy by itself, or with churros, biscotti, or shortbread cookies.

thick, bittersweet hot chocolate in demitasse cups

I've also been reading about this "twelve dates of Christmas" in the blogosphere. Might be something for A and I to consider. Unhurried, quality time together to focus on what's important amidst the often frenzied holiday state.

Hope you're doing something special with your loved ones this season!

the beauty of movement

2011-12-02T08:00:00.008-05:00

The human body is amazing...

Danse(s) from Sosh on Vimeo.

Happy Friday!

take flight

2011-11-30T16:14:00.000-05:00

Cleveland Botanical Garden

"Some birds can't be caged. Their feathers are too bright."

{The above quote is in my opinion one of the most memorable lines in one of my favorite movies, Shawshank Redemption. It was stated by Red, the character played by Morgan Freeman, to describe his fellow prison inmate Andy, played by Tim Robbins.}

I love this plant - I *think* it could be related to the "birds of paradise" flower, but I'm not sure. Whatever the case, I am just amazed by its form and beauty. Nature is truly is amazing in how it expresses itself most fully.

It reminds me to take flight, towards the fullest expression of myself.

Whoever you are, whatever you do - I hope you, too, are taking flight.

be thankful for your troubles

2011-11-29T11:22:00.001-05:00

Big thanks to Sharon for this lovely notebook

Below was a Thanksgiving message from my advisor:

"Be thankful if you don't feel like you are living the dream today and don't already have everything you desire. If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times your advisors generously provide you. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations, because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge, because it will build your strength and character.

Be thankful when you're tired, because it means you've actually done something.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.

Take the time this week to spend time with family and find a way to be thankful for your troubles, and they can become your blessings."

Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving!

tribute to fall 2011

2011-11-14T12:07:00.055-05:00

I say it every year: "There will never be another Fall [insert year]."

So here we go: There will never be another Fall 2011.

Year after year, the fall season is different. The timing in which the leaves turn. The transitions I go through in my own life as nature goes through its own transition. The stage I am in at that point in my life. The sights, the events, the flavors, the emotions I experience as I soak in the season. It's unique, every year.

my parents, at the Cleveland Botanical Garden

my parents... such lovebirds!

A visit to Auburn Twin Oaks Winery, Chagrin Falls - a special place for A. and me

(I'm a lightweight when it comes to alcohol of any kind, but I absolutely LOVE this place - it's where A. and I got married, very quietly, with only 8 witnesses present.)

The most amazing fennel and broccoli soup at Moxie, where we took my parents for dinner.

I promptly tried to replicate this soup that same week.

Some thoughts to ponder on...

One of our favorite restaurants in Cleveland, where we also took my parents for dinner

with my mom, outside Greenhouse Tavern

picture of A. and me, taken by my dad as we were walking on East 4th in downtown Cleveland

(that's me walking ON the sidewalk so I can be as tall as A. is... just a joke between us)

funny carvings on a tree trunk, found during one of our walks in North Chagrin Metropark

Thank you, A., for grounding me.

I can't do what I do without you.

light. color. shadows.

beautiful blue skies - always appreciated during the long season of gray days in Cleveland

North Chagrin Metropark - we are blessed to have this wonderful gem less than 10 minutes from our home.

Product of a cozy day of baking at home: buttery, flaky biscuits thanks to our very own Cleveland author Michael Ruhlman's book, Ratio. I'm not one to collect cookbooks, but in my (humble) opinion this is one of the best food-related books out there. In a nutshell, it's based on the premise that you're better off knowing a ratio than a recipe. If you know a ratio, you know exponentially more recipes.

Check out the flaky layers in the biscuit above - thanks to his technique of a few rounds of chilling the dough, then folding into thirds and rolling (for a total of 6x which, including chilling time, took a few hours). There are just no shortcuts to some of the finer things in life. :)

Biscuits were enjoyed fresh out of the oven, with my favorite Bonne Maman jam.

vanilla bean ice cream churning in the ice cream maker

It may be getting cold, but I'll take good quality ice cream any day.

Check out those specks of vanilla!

There's just nothing like it.

(Pardon my poor kitchen lighting... it was nighttime)

A fiery orange tree against the most unbelievably blue sky.

How lucky am I to have this tree outside our balcony?

Some grounding words as we live through the transitions and changes that are characteristic of this "vata" season. These tips, based on principles of Ayurveda, are especially helpful for someone like me with a predominant vata dosha, but can also be helpful to anyone.

("breathe in life" frame gifted by my uber-cool aunt, a proprietor of a B&B and a yoga instructor; the gift tag was from a present given by this friend. I hung it over the side of the frame because it reminds me of a mandala. I have this displayed in my home office.)

As I mentioned earlier... there will never be another Fall 2011. Breathe it in...

they were all yellow

2011-11-05T09:58:00.000-04:00

North Chagrin Metropark

Cleveland, Ohio

Yellow just lifts my spirits...

random beauty - art in the everyday

2011-11-04T12:47:00.014-04:00

"Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life." - Pablo Picasso

I was in a bad mood slump last week. At first I was blaming it on the gray, rainy, and dreary days we had here in Cleveland. Then I blamed it on poor sleeping habits. And then when I really thought about it, I realize I was missing art so badly. And truly, art does "wash away from the soul the dust of everyday life," as Picasso stated. My "everyday" is very cerebral, analytical, and academic. I needed the creative, the intuitive, the flow of energy that art gives me.

When I lived in Cincinnati, I soaked in the arts like there was no tomorrow. I was lucky that I lived in a part of town that was within 10-15 minutes of museums and galleries. It felt like I had art in my backyard. Add to that my Enjoy the Arts membership, which allowed me to get *heavily* discounted tickets to a variety of events around the city. Sometimes, I went on as many as 4 events in one weekend, especially with this fellow art junkie. I've even formed some amazing connections and friendships through art events.

I haven't quite discovered the art here in Cleveland. Sure, we have amazing museums, theaters, and even outdoor concerts. I've been to some of them. What I do miss, however, is the small, cozy art galleries, like this one I used to volunteer for. The "grassroots" feel of a community supporting local art. Street art exhibits. Indie musicians performing at coffee shops.

Granted, I haven't spent as much time exploring my new home city as much as I did Cincinnati. I'm sure it's out there. But in the meantime, I have decided to make art, in whatever form, a daily part of my life. Even if it's just simple, but beautiful things at home.

Whether it's happy yellow flowers (thank you, A.!) in a Mason jar, or a brightly-colored vase...

(what can I say... these yellow billy balls make me happy)

River stones...

(A floating candle arrangement... the rest of the stones are to be placed in a vase later)

...and other objects from nature...

(and a card I gave A. for Diwali this year)

(evidently, I have a thing for branches and twigs... and on the right, an original painting gifted by this friend and his wife, as a wedding present)

Displaying (and using!) my Ona pitcher instead of keeping it in a cupboard...

(Seen on the left with my "fruit loop" fruit basket, by black+blum, gifted by a friend. Still trying to decide if I want 2 sculptural pieces side by side, or if I should let one stand out)

Using nice dinnerware, silver, and cloth napkins everyday (my mom always used to say, use the fine china and good silver, instead of using it only on Easter, Christmas, and New Year and storing it the other 362 days of the year)...

(there's the Asian in me)

(west elm's organic shaped dinnerware - each piece has subtly different curves... loving these low, wide bowls for weeknight pasta dinners... there's nothing quite like classic white china, a la Barefoot Contessa)

A book of poetry...

("a once courageous heart" by Kylie Johnson - a lucky find from Anthropologie. I'm not a very patient clothes shopper there, but I enjoy looking through their home goods or other odds and ends. And I LOVE how curated their store display looks.)

And some yoga art!

(actually a blank greeting card which I will mat and frame, to display in my yoga corner at home)

So why am I writing about all these material things on a so-called "yoga blog"? By posting these photos of "things", am I showing a life of excess?

I beg to differ... I believe that things that are functional and used on a daily basis can also be artistic and beautiful. Because it feels good to be surrounded by beautiful and inspiring things. Because it's refreshing to come home to things that make me smile after a long day of work, or on days I work at home, it's energizing to see these things around me. Even if it's just river stones from the dollar store.

Happy Friday!

fill a space in a beautiful way (Georgia O'Keeffe)

2011-10-18T00:22:00.006-04:00

"Fill a space in a beautiful way." -Georgia O'Keeffe, artist, 1887-1986

Cleveland Botanical Garden

It's amazing how the words of others can reflect my inner state. I've been feeling the need for art lately - in many different forms. Interior design. Photography. Movement. There's something about surrounding oneself with beauty - not just for the external or superficial qualities but for the thought, spirit, and emotion that goes into art. Art elevates the mundane.

But at the heart of the matter is, how can we as human beings fill our "spaces" (whatever that may be - home, work, communities) in a beautiful way? Again, not with a superficial kind of beauty--but inner grace, compassion, and action that makes some kind of positive impact, that elevates the mundane for another person. An intention, a word, an act that reminds another person that "yes, the world is a beautiful place."

happy fall

2011-10-10T14:04:00.004-04:00

moments to celebrate

2011-10-08T01:06:00.003-04:00

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr. Seuss

Photo taken by my amazing photographer friend

happy colors

2011-08-16T09:48:00.002-04:00

This is another one of those "neither here nor there" posts.

I have an odd quirk about using words that one would typically use to describe people (or pets) for inanimate objects instead. Like the adjective "happy". I remember a trip I took with college friends, and there was a day when we went to the local market to buy strawberries. And I commented that they looked like such "happy fruits". And my friends just laughed with amusement. I also have "happy mugs" - a really large striped mug that I use for my morning tea, and this "Goddess" mug given to me by this friend. I have "happy paper" for writing snail mail or printing out fun stuff. Strange, I know.

Oh, and I also have "happy colors." Like this orange and turquoise combination below.

Ah, the joy.

I know. It doesn't take much.

good stuff to think about

2011-08-15T12:19:00.003-04:00

Every week, I receive an e-newsletter from life coach Cheryl Richardson. If you would like to subscribe, you can click here. In the meantime, the questions in this week's email really grabbed my attention:

If this were my last hour on earth, would I be happy with how I've spent my time today, this week, or this year?
Would I feel good about the priorities I'm focused on right now at this point in my life?
Do I feel complete and at peace with the people who matter most?

(from Cheryl Richardson)

In such busy times, it's important to step back and regroup every now and then... and act on these questions every possible moment.

With that in mind...

I confess to being an Internet junkie. I love reading food blogs, design blogs, looking at photography... and I know that when I can't sleep at night--which happens often-- blog-surfing has become my habit (I need an intervention for this one.). Much of my work also revolves around being on the computer. A. usually has an earlier bedtime than I do, as he has a more regular, be-at-work-by-9-am kind of job (I won't call it a 9 to 5 job as he certainly works waaay more hours than that). But tonight I had to stay up later for my brother's Skype call from half a world away. So in those 30 minutes of waiting for my Skype call, instead of more Internet surfing or more computer work which I may be inclined to do, I took that opportunity to snuggle with A. as he drifted off to sleep. Sounds simple, I know... but in that moment, I can say that I spent that half hour of my life in the most meaningful way possible.

Interestingly, when I did my first-ever photo exhibit, I named my collection "Every Moment Counts". I guess I used that phrase for a reason. A reminder. That life is too short to eat bad food (yeah I know I had to say that first), say unkind words, or sweat the small stuff. I'm constantly learning about the last one, that's for sure.

Are you content with how you've spent your time today?

spur of the moment trip

2011-08-11T12:44:00.008-04:00

Last week A. and I took a trip to New Jersey and New York on a spur of the moment. He went to visit a childhood friend who is based in the UK and was in town for a business trip, and I went to see my brother and his family as well as my friend CD. When we arrived at my brother's house, my nephews' Monopoly game was already set on the coffee table, ready for us. I love my nephews. They are growing fast, and I'd like to think that they still enjoy spending time with their aunts and uncles, who are now relatively "oldies". :)

I love how kids never seem to tire of markers. Below is my niece, who turns ~~two~~ three this weekend (why do babies grow so fast???). I had so much fun with her.

She can draw a circle! And she has a tripod grasp!

(I know... I'm such a teacher.)

When I go to New Jersey, I usually like taking day trips to New York city -- not so much to see the touristy sights anymore, but to see friends and try out different restaurants. I wouldn't necessarily want to live there -- I like my peace and quiet at the end of the day... and I like lots of green. But it's always fun to visit and feel the unstoppable energy of the city.

The food... mmm. For dinner we went to the Upper East Side to Candle 79, an organic, all-vegan, farm-to-table restaurant.

My drink: Green Goddess. Juiced dark leafy greens and fruit. Yes I do like drinking my greens.

A round of complimentary amuse bouche, with assorted chopped fruit in a sweet, tangy, and spicy dressing. Great for waking up the palate.

Seitan chimichurri. It was very tender, and had great texture, plus the tartness and tang of the chimichurri sauce - it must have been marinated in it as well. The char on the seitan was quite interesting, and it strangely transported me to my childhood when we would eat Filipino-style barbecue during my meat-eating days. I don't usually eat faux meat or meat-like substitutes on a regular basis, favoring beans and legumes as my protein source (being weary of the processed soy that is usually in meat substitutes), but seitan is primarily from wheat gluten. And, when eating out I always try to choose things I don't make at home.

Vegetarian paella (!) with seitan and mushrooms. It was a toss-up between this and ravioli with cashew ricotta. But our Spanish restaurant here in Cleveland only serves paella with meat and/or seafood, and the server said the paella portion was "big". Um, I finished the entire thing. I would have loved it even better if it was served more authentically in a paellera, where some of the rice sticks to the bottom of the pan and becomes chewy and crusty. But the flavor was very good - I could taste the smoky paprika, and the mushrooms added a lot of body to the dish. I would have liked a little more saffron flavor, but otherwise it was delicious - and beautifully presented.

The next day - brunch/lunch at Taco Taco, recommended by my friend who was showing us her favorite "hole in the wall" places.

Taco Taco is not quite as small as a "hole in the wall" but they are big on flavor and freshness.

Praises for Taco Taco from Bobby Flay!

Guacamole. I could eat avocado every day...

Grilled corn on the cob with cotija cheese, cilantro, chile salt, and lime. Finally - I have been looking for a restaurant that serves Mexican-style grilled corn! We aren't allowed to have a grill in our apartment, so this was such a treat. Yes, I am a messy corn eater.

Vegetarian soft tacos. I love how it focused on vegetables and not on cheese as the main ingredient the way some "vegetarian" substitutes do (uh, isn't there a reason it's called "vegetarian"??).

Here, the spinach was wilted just perfectly, and the leaves remained bright green. The mushrooms were earthy and flavorful, the cilantro was fresh. (Nothing kills a dish like cilantro that is past its prime.)

And as if that wasn't enough...

Pinkberry!!!

When I lived in Cincinnati, I used to go to this frozen yogurt place called Yagoot, which was dangerously within walking distance from my home. I've been missing it, and our fro-yo place here (which shall remain unnamed) isn't quite the same...so we stopped at Pinkberry for mango frozen yogurt. And I thought I was already full.

Mango frozen yogurt with fresh mango and waffle cone pieces. I like that they have a "mini" size. I could have eaten more, but after that Mexican lunch this was all I could fit in the remaining crevices of my stomach.

So, with full bellies we started the seven-hour drive home. Thankfully, being a Sunday, NYC traffic was bearable, and we were able to get out of the city without delays.

A couple of days ago I found out that my car wouldn't start. Everything was off (lights, radio, AC, etc) and nothing would switch back on. My battery was dead. Made me so very glad and thankful that we made it back home without any car trouble!

Interestingly, on our way back from New York, I saw a large building off I-80 (not sure if it was still in NJ or PA, but if I remember right it was pretty close to the border) with a sign that reads "Powerhouse Eatery". I wish I took a photo, but as we were driving on the highway I couldn't get my camera or my phone fast enough. Powerhouse Eatery. I think that sums up our quick weekend trip!

Disturb us, O Lord

2011-08-03T18:23:00.003-04:00

Disturb us, O Lord

when we are too well-pleased with ourselves
when our dreams have come true because we dreamed too little, because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, O Lord

when with the abundance of things we possess,
we have lost our thirst for the water of life
when, having fallen in love with time,
we have ceased to dream of eternity
and in our efforts to build a new earth,
we have allowed our vision of Heaven to grow dim.

Stir us, O Lord

to dare more boldly, to venture into wider seas
where storms show Thy mastery,
where losing sight of land, we shall find the stars.

In the name of Him who pushed back the horizons of our hopes
and invited the brave to follow.
Push us into the future
with strength, courage, hope, and love.

Amen.

Written by Sir Francis Drake, 16th century explorer

This prayer, shared with me by a dear friend years ago, always resonated with me... and even more so today as I continue to think about the presence of Spirit in all aspects of my life - work, play, relationships, art.

spirit

2011-08-01T23:51:00.005-04:00

Ok, so it's been two times in a row - by two different people, in two different places - that I've heard the question (or variations of the question), "how does the Spirit move you?" or "how is the Spirit present in your life?"

Hmmm.

I've written about this before in an old post. Funny how it's coming back. Like "God Winks," as a dear friend calls it (Thanks, N.).

Then, in a yoga class last week, the instructor talked about purna, which is a Sanskrit word that can be translated to "completion" or "fullness". We recently went through some very HOT days here in Cleveland (which to me was quite a surprise considering how much snow we get in the winter). And in relation to the recent heat wave and the fullest expression of summer, she then posed a question about our fullest expression as individuals. I see this as the meaningful exploration and use of my gifts - of that sense of Spirit moving me and being present in my life.

More to think about...

savory spinach and cheese muffins

2011-07-25T16:25:00.000-04:00

I've been on a savory muffin kick ever since this friend posted this recipe for cheddar and leek muffins on her blog.

I started craving these muffins again, except I didn't have cheddar cheese and I didn't have leeks. And I didn't have buttermilk. I didn't even have milk to make my own buttermilk. But, I did have 2 different kinds of cheeses and sour cream. And I almost always have a variety of at least 4 kinds of flour (wheat, corn, spelt, bread flour, etc). Hmmm.

These are the moments I love. The Italians have a phrase for it: l'arte d'arrangiarsi = the art of making something out of nothing. I love that.

Well, I didn't quite start with nothing. I had some things, obviously. As a result of improvisation, I made another kind of savory muffin.

Spinach and Cheese Muffins

1/2 cup whole wheat pastry flour
1 cup fine corn flour*
1 1/2 cup coarse corn flour*
2 teaspoons sea salt
2 teaspoons baking powder
2 large eggs, at room temperature, lightly beaten
1 1/4 cups sour cream
6 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
2 tablespoons honey
1 cup frozen chopped spinach, thawed out and excess water squeezed
1 1/2 cup grated sharp cheese (sharp cheddar would have been great, but I only had parrano and pecorino, so I used a combination of both)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease or line a 12-cup muffin tin with paper muffin cups or cut-out parchment paper.

Sift all the dry ingredients together in a large mixing bowl.

In another bowl, beat the eggs, sour cream, butter, and honey.

Mix the liquid ingredients into the dry ingredients. Stir in the cheese and the spinach. Do not overmix - overmixing makes the gluten develop in the batter, resulting in a tough dough. You don't want that in muffins!

Spoon the mixture into the muffin cups. I was actually able to extend the recipe and make 18 smaller muffins instead of 12 regular-size ones.

Bake 20-25 minutes or until golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the center of a muffin comes out clean.

Sprinkle the tops of the muffins with a tiny bit of flaky sea salt (not the fine one). Just to make them pretty :)

*You could use just fine corn flour instead of a combination of fine and coarse like I did. I just thought the coarse corn flour would add some texture. I didn't want to use all coarse corn flour though, because I wasn't sure if it would make the muffins heavy. I think this combination and proportion was just right.

seed of potential

2011-07-22T11:15:00.013-04:00

There is a place deep in your soul where a little seed rests. This seed is your amazing potential. Each time you push yourself, each time you breathe a true deep breath, each time you reach your hands to the stars, you nourish that little seed and feed your soul.

- Karen Tye

Feeling a little victorious - well, more relieved than victorious, actually - about some positive feedback from my professors on my recent work. Yes, I pushed myself but I'm nourishing that little seed. Even a little at a time.

Whatever that seed is for you, I hope you are nourishing yours, as well. :)

dreaming up my ideal life

2011-07-11T22:35:00.044-04:00

I've been in a strange mood lately.

This might be one of those "neither here nor there" posts but I just need to put onto (cyber)paper some thoughts/emotions that have been circling in my head. Writing is a thinking tool, after all.

I know I get into these phases every now and then, when I question what I am doing. I can't help but shake the fact that I am not living my ideal life. I have a refrigerator magnet that reads: "Now is the time to live your ideal life." It's made me think about my ideal life and whether what I am doing now will get me there. It's a scary thought, considering how much I've invested into this PhD program. I thought this was what I truly wanted. Wasn't I just thinking about how restless I was in my previous situation 2 years ago when I was deciding to quit my job and go back to grad school?

I've heard other people in the same situation (in a doctorate degree program) that almost everyone has wanted to quit at some point. No one ever said it was going to be easy. I knew that coming in to this. So why am I questioning it so much?

Am I fickle, flighty, indecisive? Or is it that every decision I make brings me closer to realizing what I truly want?

What do I truly want? I want a more sustainable lifestyle. And no, I'm not just talking about sustainable in the sense of being conscious about the earth's resources (although that is part of it). I want a sustainable lifestyle in the sense that I can truly bring to life my gifts, carry out my purpose with energy and passion, and sustain a sense of balance in body, mind, and spirit so that I can give more to others - whether that is my family, or my community. A non-sustainable lifestyle, in my opinion, is one in which I would get so completely burned out that I would lose motivation, inspiration, and/or energy to give back to others.

I just went on the website of the Chronicle of Higher Education, which lists open positions in higher education. Every time I check the website, I get scared and intimidated. Because I don't see where I truly fit in. At the same time, I don't see myself in a full-time faculty position in a big research university. Sometimes I think that kind of position is like being in the doctoral program all over again - except it's with higher pay but maybe 10x the stress. And am I not continuing my education to have a better quality of life and to be able to contribute something (or many "things") to someone (or to many), somehow?

Anyway. I recently was asked by a colleague to present to a graduate class on the topic of infant-toddler development and early intervention services for young children and families. I covered early brain development, early caregiver-child relationships, social-emotional development and the impact of early experiences on later school readiness. I also talked about services for young children with disabilities and families. I was so energized! I loved talking about these topics and I felt like I could talk more - especially since the class was engaged and interested. I loved doing this.

But I also love doing other things. Many other things. Which is probably evident in this blog because I talk about so many different things. Sometimes I feel as though they conflict with my work, as these other interests take time as well. I often feel I am being pulled in so many different directions. Must be the Gemini in me, I don't know. I am constantly trying to strike a balance between all my interests. Sometimes I think I would be just as content being a "happy homemaker" and pursuing my creative outlets. As scary as that is for me to admit. But I don't want to give up my work either. Because it does energize me and challenge me. And when I feel energized by my work, as in the example above, it reaffirms for me that I am where I need to be. But the work does take its toll. I can't tell you how many times I've had a meltdown due to stress. And I have realized, as written in a previous post, that I sometimes feel that I live in this almost constant state of stress that I have conditioned myself to feel the stress even before the stressor is actually there. As hard as that is for me to admit as well, being a yogini and all. But I can't live like that, in this almost constant state of alarm - either experiencing the stress or bracing myself for the next big storm. Because I am not good to myself and to others in that situation.

I read somewhere, that if you want a better answer, ask a better question.

So perhaps the question is not where do I fit in, but how can I create my own ideal life? Perhaps the question is not how I can do all of these things so that they are not in conflict with each other, but how can I forge my own unique path which will allow me to do all these things in a balanced way?

So. In dreaming up my ideal life, I listed down the things that are important to me. I am a listmaker, after all.

I would love a life in which I can:

- be the best person I can be to my family and those around me -- live in health in mind, body, and spirit so that I can live generously with my time and energy
- work to improve the quality of life: to work as a means to an end, not an end in itself
- provide independent consulting to early care and education agencies in infant-toddler services/ early intervention
- train future early childhood professionals, whether at the preservice or inservice level. I love working with practicum students (preservice). I also have discovered how energized I felt after presenting to professionals at state and national conferences (inservice).
- pursue my other interests - cooking, baking, photography, yoga - in a way that is balanced and sustainable (understanding that these interests take time and may cost $)

My big deadline looms closer (in 2 days). Another rite of passage. And after having crying about it for a while, I am trying to reset my thinking to see it not so much as an obstacle or hurdle but as a place for uncovering my potential and a step closer to being able to create my own unique path.

In the meantime, maybe I should practice writing those three letters "Ph.D" next to my name... ;-) It won't be for another year or so, but hey I could use all the motivation I can get.

This photo was taken by my brother Carlo on a trip to California. Here I am looking over the vineyards of Sonoma Valley. I don't usually like photos of myself - my comfort zone is behind the camera, after all - but in this one I look like I'm dreaming of my ideal life.

patterns

2011-06-23T13:21:00.003-04:00

I've recently noticed that I get into certain patterns.

Patterns of favoring some yoga poses over others, especially in a home practice (e.g. revolved triangle... ugh.). Patterns of standing or sitting a certain way because it's something my body has gotten used to, even if I know it is not the ideal alignment. Patterns of not sleeping well.

And, there's also my usual pattern of initial avoidance when I have to tackle a big school/work-related project. Like now.

I just realized how many times I've seen this happen, and it's only now that I've put two and two together. When I have to work on a big project, I usually get extremely overwhelmed in the beginning, and my first response is to go on a crazy, compulsive cooking spree and cook/bake like a maniac. Not because we have to feed a dozen guests or anything. Just... because. Because it's my way of feeling productive as I procrastinate. Because it's a way of creating something when I don't quite feel ready to create yet, as far as the real project is concerned.

So in the past day and a half, I've made...

- homemade veggie burgers: Everything from scratch! (I'm also working on developing a recipe - more on that later)
- homemade ricotta cheese: Because I wanted to make a peach crumble out of the bowl of peaches I got recently, and I wanted to have honey-vanilla ricotta on the side. I know, my food brain thinks in a weird way. In all different directions.

... so as you would expect, I also made
- peach crumble (baked peaches with a crunchy oat topping)
- zucchini bread: also to enjoy with ricotta on the side... this time with minced dates mixed into the ricotta - doesn't that sound delicious?)
- no-knead bread: to enjoy savory herb ricotta on crostini - as a change from sweet ricotta

(Oh, and this is not counting "regular" cooking for dinner)

And after all that, I didn't even eat a whole lot. They were all really good though!

There's just something about this process that I go through before working on a project/deadline. As odd as it sounds. In past crazy cooking episodes, towards the end of cooking I have had to call my friend/colleague/neighbor, saying, "I need an intervention!" - at which time we would both set small tasks and deadlines for ourselves (by "small" meaning something that can be accomplished in a couple of hours) which we would then report back to each other for accountability. For someone like me who works from home most of the time, this has been really helpful. And then I go over to her house to deliver a baked treat or a sampling of a dish, because in all reality, A and I can't eat it all.

But I digress. Going back to the concept of patterns...

I wonder if this is a healthy pattern for me. Time is of the essence when working towards a deadline, and sometimes I berate myself for using up all that precious time to do non-essential things in the kitchen. But the thing is, whenever I do this (going through cooking/baking compulsions before the work at hand), I find that I can approach my work more grounded, centered, and more focused, as opposed to thinking in all different directions. Sure, maybe it takes me a day or two to get there. But today I feel more ready to work. So am I excusing myself? Or taking care of myself? I don't know. Meanwhile, today I am hanging up my apron...

What patterns do you notice in your life? Are they healthy or not?

tribute to the summer solstice

2011-06-21T21:51:00.000-04:00

Lake Erie, Cleveland

Such love does the sky now pour,

that whenever I stand in a field,

I have to wring out the light

when I get home.

- St. Francis

I stand in awe, and I am thankful.

taking a leap... plus, a website on yoga anatomy and alignment

2011-06-20T22:27:00.012-04:00

teaching yoga at Burnett Woods park (2009)

I have to say that I have not been teaching yoga for the past 2 years, at least. After going through my teacher training and receiving my certification some years ago, I taught part-time (one class a week) while trying to juggle a full-time day job -- which I loved -- and part-time graduate studies -- which I loved too, enough to quit my day job and go full-time with school.

Needless to say, teaching yoga took a backseat. Waaay in the back.

Partly because of time constraints (and we all know how I'm still constantly learning about time management), and partly because it took some time for me to find a yoga community that resonates with me after I moved here. But mostly because I didn't feel qualified enough to teach after taking such a long break.

But, I am happy to say that I've found IT! A yoga community, I mean. Since the beginning of the year, I have been taking classes with an amazing instructor. The classes are small, and, while not advertised as private, they almost seem that way, with a regular group of people attending. The instructor has a lighthearted, yet very informed style of teaching. I was blown away by her knowledge on alignment. And not just alignment in terms of lining up your feet a certain way in the Warrior poses. No, not just the alignment of the extremities, but pelvic alignment - so that alignment comes from way deep in the source, allowing everything else to open up. Wow. I'm still trying to take it all in. I've never explored pelvic alignment to this extent in any yoga class before. As I learn more, I hope to share more on this blog as well.

Recently, I decided to take a leap. After not having taught yoga for a while, and not having had any "formal" continuing education opportunities in yoga recently, I talked to the instructor and asked if I could assist her in her classes (such as by giving students adjustments). I knew I wanted to learn from her. She was thankfully very open to the idea and I was really appreciative of her warmth and enthusiasm; understanding that it does take time and energy to mentor someone.

She shared this website with me called Bandha Yoga, and I've been studying the (web)pages and pages of anatomy information.

So, I'm learning. And loving it. And grateful for people who love to teach and willingly do so.

conditioned stress?

2011-06-16T13:46:00.002-04:00

For the past few days, I've been experiencing mysterious stomachaches and headaches. I've been thinking about anything I'm doing that may be different or out of the ordinary... well, other than the fact that we just moved to a new apartment recently, everything else has been the same. Same kind of food. Same exercise. Sleep - well, that is another story.

And then I realized, I had been putting myself under premature stress in anticipation of my written comprehensives (a major rite of passage in my academic program) which officially began yesterday.

So I thought: why do I do this to myself? I put myself under undue stress over something that was not even happening yet. It's almost as if I had been conditioned to be under constant stress such that even when the stressor is not actually present (yet), I am already bracing myself for the upcoming event. Even my left eyelid is already throbbing from time to time (just like when I was under stress in May from working on a big project). And then I thought to myself - my eyes feel strained already??? And I haven't even started on the major computer work yet! The truth is, I am making myself feel sick.

Now this is a hard truth for me to admit to myself (and even more so here on this blog). For someone who is aspiring for balance, I really should have learned this lesson a long time ago!

But the good news is... if these physical symptoms of stress are really rooted in our mental state, then we can learn to control it. Now this is not breakthrough information; just something I'm constantly trying to learn.

So today I'm breaking down my project into manageable tasks and creating timelines for myself. Organizing my physical workspace to allow a better workflow, with necessary files and books within easy access. Just having moved, things are not perfectly organized yet, but it's getting there.

I'm also adding some inspirational, non-work "things" on my work desk. Such as the collage I made at a retreat a few years ago.

And on the other side of my office is my yoga sanctuary, my sacred space. A corner of the room just right for my yoga mat, my yoga books, and other props. A physical reminder to take a deep breath, do some asanas, sit quietly, or go into savasana whenever needed.

But at the root of it is not just the organization of the physical space (although it helps!), is really controlling the mind. As in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, yoga chitta vritti nirodha = "yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind." So, we practice yoga in order to achieve a stillness and clarity of mind.

I don't think I can ever take away stress from my life. In some ways, there are healthy levels of stress - or at least when stress is managed in a healthy way. Which is what I'm learning. So that instead of feeling conditioned by stress, I can then condition myself to address it and respond to it in a positive, productive manner.

But it's also learning to give myself credit. After I completed that big project in May, at the end of it I really had to remind myself not to say, "I think I did a pretty good job..." - which is what I'm more inclined to think, in a second-guessing, hard-on-myself type of way... but instead, "Heck I did a damn good job!" Hey, we all need affirmations, right?

And so begins my project for the next four weeks... and throughout this time, my goal is not just to complete the project, but to complete it with a greater degree of mental and emotional well-being intact.

organized chaos

2011-06-10T14:01:00.002-04:00

So... in thinking about this idea of "chaos" (in previous post), I suddenly remembered what a classroom-full of young children is like when they are all engaged and engrossed in an activity.

Organized chaos.

As contradictory as that may sound, that is what it's like! Sure, the room may look messy, but they are playing... and for a young child, play is their work and their work is play. I remember how our play kitchen area or pretend grocery area looks when children are actively involved in purposeful, self-directed, and collaborative play. It's amazing - and as chaotic as it may seem to an outsider, there is a sense of organization to it. You have children taking on roles and behaving accordingly. You have children taking turns, children using language appropriately to communicate. Sure, conflicts arise here and there, but such is the reality of life.

Organized chaos. So.... what lessons can we learn from this scenario to manage the chaos in our lives?

A dear friend of mine told me about the concept of "big rocks". Visualize a jar. The "big rocks" are your biggest priorities right now. Place your big rocks in the jar first. Then, smaller rocks go into the remaining spaces in the jar. That way, you can organize your time to deal with your big rocks - your big priorities first, and then the smaller priorities later. (Thanks, Kim!)

I know that sometimes I tend to procrastinate and do other, less high-priority things first, because I don't want to face my fears -- the big, "scary" priority. But then in the end, it becomes a disservice to me, because despite how "productive" I thought I felt doing less high-priority things, the big priority goes into emergency mode.

Another lesson I really loved (and which I have yet to fully master) is Stephen Covey's time management matrix in his book "First Things First". Those "things" are divided into four categories:

Urgent and Important
Not Urgent and Important
Urgent and Not Important
Not Urgent and Not Important

This is best represented in a quadrant; as shown here. According to Covey, our time should be spent mostly on the Not Urgent and Important category. For example, if we spent enough time planning and preparing for a project, then it doesn't go into emergency mode, or the "Urgent and Important". Granted, some projects tend to go into this category especially during crunch time... but I would agree that we would limit emergency mode if we spent enough time in the planning and preparation phase. The Not Urgent and Not Important category refers to the time-wasters and need to be avoided - or limited as much as possible.

I then took a good honest look at my "things" and filled in my own quadrant. To be brutally honest, here's what it looks like:

But I will say that my activities under "Urgent and Not Important" can be managed to go under "Not Urgent and Important" - meaning I would manage it in such a way that I would not completely avoid it (because I would argue that it's a creative outlet), but instead I would "save it for later" instead of acting on a compulsion to cook when I have a more pressing demand at the time (which tends to happen a lot when I don't want to face my big scary project).

How about the "Not Urgent and Not Important"? How can I avoid or limit this? Well, certainly junk mail and junk e-mail can be avoided or managed (try to opt-out as much as possible) Do I have to completely give up watching a cooking show on the Food Network, for example? But what if I can multi-task (do a load of laundry, or maybe a little exercise) while I'm watching Barefoot Contessa?

Ok, time to organize my chaos now...

chaos

2011-06-02T13:37:00.000-04:00

I've finally resurfaced from a reclusive writing period. At the end of May - after weeks of seemingly endless computer work, I turned in over 200 pages worth of writing. It is such a relief to finally have that behind me (now if only that writing project was my dissertation... then I would be close to being done with my degree. But no...). As stressful as it was, I welcomed the challenge. I didn't quite welcome the stress (and its associated neck and shoulder pain, achy wrists and back, throbbing eyelids, etc) with open arms, though. But I have to say that at the end of the project, I felt pretty proud of myself!

As much as I enjoy (and need) writing in a leisurely manner, like on this blog, somehow I just didn't feel like there was any more space in my brain. So leisure writing and journalling certainly took a backseat. Instead I churned out pages of research and other academic "stuff". It was definitely a process... of saying "yes" to the challenge, from starting from a blank page to one page, two pages, several... seeing the process of how it slowly took shape. I found myself reaching towards yoga in the process - especially the principles of practice and non-attachment. I knew, that if I were to take on this endeavor, I had to detach myself from the very high stakes involved, from the result, and instead just commit myself to writing. Because high stakes = pressure. Interestingly, I'm not sure how "acceptable" this concept of non-attachment is in the workplace and in a product/outcome-oriented world. When I mentioned this to my superior -- about how I would just write and let go of the outcome (in different words) -- I think she misunderstood me and thought that I was not going to give my 100%. But I did - 100% and then some. Because I was so overwhelmed by this project in the beginning, I just had to detach myself from thinking about the result in order to just take that step forward and do it. Hmm. Makes me think about how I should maybe keep some thoughts to myself and out of the work environment.

Now that the project is done, the question that has been on my mind is, what if the thing/activity/work that you love is also a stressor?

I read an article somewhere (wish I could remember the source) in which the author wrote about how sometimes we unconsciously seek more drama (stress, chaos, deadlines, etc...) in our lives, and behave in such a way that we end up having more of that. Could this be true? Do I really seek more stress in my life, and if I do, why?

That line of thinking portrays chaos as something negative... and then I remembered that I have a magnet that reads: "One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star." (Nietzsche)

I love that. I think it explains this state of being. Chaos (i.e., challenge, stress, etc) will always be there. Even if it comes from something (or someone) you love. I'm not a parent, but I would guess that parenting is like that - yes, it's stressful, but it involves someone you love so dearly. It involves someone that matters so much. And in my world, my work matters to me. I love what I do, stressful as it is. So it's how we deal with it - it's what we do with that chaos. Because it's the chaos that pushes us to evolve, to adapt, to create...if, within that chaos, we can come to a place of stillness and focus. If we can gather all that chaotic energy and somehow transform it - to "give birth to a dancing star." (or in my world, 250 pages of work)

Perhaps chaos isn't a bad thing after all. How do you transform the chaos in your life?

edamame hummus

2011-04-12T13:30:00.001-04:00

A change of pace from the usual chickpea hummus... a bowl of spring-y green goodness.

In a food processor:

half a bag of frozen shelled edamame, steamed until tender but still bright green (after steaming, dump into a bowl of ice water to stop cooking)
tahini, about a tablespoon
1-2 cloves of garlic
salt and pepper to taste
lemon juice to taste
fruity, good quality extra virgin olive oil - enough to make it creamy

I think I ate half the bowl.

new season of life

2011-04-12T10:16:00.006-04:00

So it's been very quiet and uneventful on this blog for quite some time. On the contrary, life has been nothing but eventful. All good things. Perhaps that's why I couldn't put them into words. You know how when something is so beautiful, things are better left unsaid? Because somehow, naming it or trying to describe it might diminish its beauty and wonder and magic... and something this beautiful, I would rather leave untarnished. But I also wanted to write about it in some way. And when my own words falter, I turn to poetry...

This is love: to fly toward a secret sky,

to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment.

First, to let go of life.

In the end, to take a step without feet;

to regard this world as invisible,

and to disregard what appears to be the self.

- Rumi

March 19th, 2011 - the eve of the first day of spring - symbolic of a new beginning, a new journey.

A small room bathed in warm afternoon light, overlooking the earth being reborn after a long winter. Promises exchanged in a quiet, intimate ceremony, witnessed by 8 people.

To A. - my heart, my home, my husband.

silent yoga

2011-03-01T11:52:00.001-05:00

I recently attended a class led by a teacher who apologetically told us that she left her iPod somewhere. Hence, we would have no music in class. But I love that she instead told us to focus on our breath all throughout. That the breath would be our music.

It was truly such a refreshing change from the many yoga classes I've attended. Don't get me wrong, I do love yoga music, especially when the melody and pace suits the style of the class. Deva Premal chants or upbeat Michael Franti tunes are fabulous for vinyasa classes, as well as the more soothing Zen-like music for yin or restorative classes. But sometimes, I have to admit that music can become a distraction for me, especially when I really want to tune in to my body and go inward. I think I feel this most especially when I already feel a great deal of mental clutter. Trying to listen to an instructor's verbal cues while having music in the background (especially if the songs have lyrics) gives my brain more things to attend to when I really just want to attend to my breath or alignment or safety in the pose. But I also understand that sometimes, certain kinds of music are great at helping me let go of the mental clutter. I think it's great especially when the instructor thoughtfully puts together a playlist of songs that match the flow of the class - from the centering kind of music for the initial breathwork and meditation, to somewhat faster or energetic tunes for the more vigorous sun salutations and standing poses, then slowing down forthe seated and supine poses all the way to the final relaxation. Even in my home practice, there are days when I want music to get me going, on days when I'm dragging my feet. But some days, it feels really good to be unplugged for a while, in which case I like to do it quietly. It just depends.

Besides... didn't yogis back in the day practice in silence anyway, or to the sounds of nature? Before the days of iPods and surround sound speaker systems, people practiced yoga as is, where is. Unplugged (well, there was nothing to plug in back then...), but completely connected.

Hearing everyone's ujjayi breath in class that evening was a powerful experience. It was amazing to just hear everyone so tuned in, in the here and now. I'd like to think that there was this collective energy from everyone in that room being present, listening to their breath and listening to their own bodies. There was a rhythm to it unlike any other music.

I certainly won't mind if our instructor didn't bring her iPod every now and then. :)

What are your thoughts on yoga music?

everyday compassion

2011-02-28T16:50:00.001-05:00

I've been thinking a lot about this idea of compassion lately. It's partly due to viewing/listening to this TED Talk and also just recently having seen "A Mighty Heart" (I know, I know... I'm so out of the loop when it comes to movies), the film version of Mariane Pearl's memoir of the kidnapping and death of her husband, journalist Daniel Pearl. In an interview after her husband's death, Pearl said, "They are suffering too." It gave me goosebumps. What a compassionate response from someone who has been in the midst of great tragedy, violence, and hate. Pearl also talked about how she wanted to continue "creating dialogue" between people. As sad as the story was, I was left with a sense of hope and optimism.

The dictionary defines compassion as "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering." (thanks, dictionary.com). Compassion is not the same as pity, which is more like a "oh, that's too bad" response. Compassion prompts us to take action.

In this TED Talk, Krista Tippett talked about reconnecting with compassion, in an everyday way. Compassion doesn't just come from heroic people you read about in the news. And I would agree with that - because if compassion only happens in these large-scale, newsworthy world events, then I would say that we are in great trouble. Because it's also our everyday actions that make an impact. The small actions that can easily go unnoticed, cumulatively make a world of difference. It's not that the acts of compassion by national heroes and spiritual leaders are unimportant; they are important and inspiring, as they are examples of the human spirit.

But the reality is not all of us are in that role. So we practice compassion away from any spotlight, without any headlines. We practice compassion toward the mother in a grocery store whose child is crying in distress due to being in an unfamiliar and perhaps overstimulating environment, and we not only suspend judgment but let this mother go ahead through the checkout line. We practice compassion when we drop whatever we are doing to take a friend to the hospital. What would happen if none of us did any of these small actions on a day to day level? What would happen if we just said, "oh that's too bad" and then moved on?

I've definitely been on the receiving end of other people's compassion in very unexpected ways. In my first year of teaching back home, I made a decision that I'm not proud of. And this student's mother, who could have very well been irate, instead responded with a rare kind of understanding, kindness, and compassion. Her actions taught me a great lesson, one I carry with me to this very day; a lesson which has shaped my beliefs as a teacher and inspired me to advocate for children and families in my work. So I think that what sets compassion apart is that it is more than just an emotion. It involves action from the giver, and I would assert that it also encourages future action from the receiver. And it is in action that we truly work towards peace.

On a smaller, more personal scale, A. was initially concerned about what his extended family's response will be to me, a person of different national, cultural, and religious origins and upbringing. He talked to his grandmother recently, who said in response to his concern: "A human being is a human being." This coming from someone who has never met me, who probably has not had any exposure to someone like me, yet suspended judgment about my background and instead affirmed my personhood. How's that for everyday kindness and acceptance?

What acts of everyday compassion have you received?

Krista Tippett: Reconnecting with compassion | Video on TED.com

2011-02-26T14:45:00.000-05:00

the sacrament of waiting

2011-02-22T14:39:00.001-05:00

I received this in an email a while ago and thought it was too good not to share here.

Reading this is keeping things in perspective for me -- especially given my overplanning, mind-on-overdrive nature.

The Sacrament of Waiting
James Donelan, S.J.

The English poet John Milton once wrote that those who serve stand and wait. I think I would go further and say that those who wait render the highest form of service. Waiting requires more discipline, more self-control and emotional maturity, more unshakeable faith in our cause, more unwavering hope in the future, more sustaining love in our hearts than all the great deeds of derring-do that go by the name of action.

Waiting is a mystery—a natural sacrament of life. There is a meaning hidden in all the times we have to wait. It must be an important mystery because there is so much waiting in our lives.

Everyday is filled with those little moments of waiting—testing our patience and our nerves, schooling us in our self-control. We wait for meals to be served, for a letter to arrive, for a friend, concerts and circuses. Our airline terminals, railway stations, and bus depots are temples of waiting filled with men and women who wait in joy for the arrival of a loved one—or wait in sadness to say goodbye and to give that last wave of hand. We wait for birthdays and vacations; we wait for Christmas. We wait for spring to come or autumn—for the rains to begin or stop.

And we wait for ourselves to grow from childhood to maturity. We wait for those inner voices that tell us when we are ready for the next step. We wait for graduation, for our first job, our first promotion. We wait for success, and recognition. We wait to grow up—to reach the stage where we make our own decision.

We cannot remove this waiting from our lives. It is part of the tapestry of living—the fabric in which the threads are woven that tell the story of our lives.

Yet the current philosophies would have us forget the need to wait. “Grab all the gusto you can get.” So reads one of America ’s great beer advertisements—Get it now. Instant pleasure—instant transcendence. Don’t wait for anything. Life is short—eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow you’ll die. And so they rationalize us into accepting unlicensed and irresponsible freedom…they warn against attachment and commitment, against expecting anything of anybody, or allowing them to expect anything of us, against vows and promises, against duty and responsibility, against dropping any anchors in the currents of our life that will cause us to hold and to wait.

This may be the correct prescription for pleasure—but even that is fleeting and doubtful. What was it Shakespeare said about the mad pursuit of pleasure? “Past reason hunted, and once had, past reason hated.” Now if we wish to be real human beings, spirit as well as flesh, souls as well as heart, we have to learn to love someone else other than ourselves.

For most of all waiting means waiting for someone else. It is a mystery brushing by our face everyday like stray wind or a leaf falling from a tree. Anyone who has ever loved knows how much waiting goes into it, how much waiting is important for love to grow, to flourish through a lifetime.

Why is this so? Why can’t we have love right now—two years, three years, five years—and seemingly waste so much time? You might as well ask why a tree should take so long to bear fruit, the seed to flower, carbon to change into a diamond.

There is no simple answer, no more than there is to life’s demands: having to say goodbye to someone you love because either you or they have already made other commitments, or because they have to grow and find the meaning of their own lives, having yourself to leave home and loved ones to find your path. Goodbyes, like waiting, are also sacraments of our lives.

All we know is that growth—the budding, the flowering of love needs patient waiting. We have to give each other time to grow. There is no way we can make someone else truly love us or we love them, except through time. So we give each other that mysterious gift of waiting—of being present without making demands or asking rewards. There is nothing harder to do than this. It tests the depth and sincerity of our love. But there is life in the gift we give.

So lovers wait for each other until they can see things the same way, or let each other freely see things in quite different ways. What do we lose when lovers hurt each other and cannot regain the balance and intimacy of the way they were? They have to wait—in silence—but still be present to each other until the pain subsides to an ache and then only a memory, and the threads of the tapestry can be woven together again in a single love story.

What do we lose when we refuse to wait? When we try to find short cuts through life, when we try to incubate love and rush blindly and foolishly into a commitment we are neither mature nor responsible enough to assume? We lose the hope of ever truly loving or being loved. Think of all the great love stories of history and literature. Isn’t it of their very essence that they are filled with the strange but common mystery—that waiting is part of the substance, the basic fabric—against which the story of that true love is written?

How can we ever find either life or love if we are too impatient to wait for it?

**************

Most importantly... thank you, A., for waiting. For that, I am blessed.

Nature's reminders to wait... with faith, trust, and patience.

so i will always lean my heart

2011-02-20T13:34:00.003-05:00

So I will always lean my heart
as close to your soul
as I can

- Hafiz

Excerpt from a poem... for a day to be remembered.

cookies from childhood, all grown up

2011-01-30T23:15:00.010-05:00

Last June, I took a quick trip to Portland, Oregon. I stopped at a farmers' market and sampled sweet confections from this bakery. Their tagline goes, "artisan sweets for the soul." How could I resist?

One of the sweet treats I tried from the Two Tarts booth at the Portland farmers' market is fleur de sel chocolate chip cookies. There's something about chocolate and salt together that really hits the spot. Sweet and salty flavors, done just right. Toast with fruit preserves and Irish cheddar. Figs and gorgonzola. Fleur de sel caramels. It's that play between sweet and savory, a delicious contrast, each flavor bringing out the best in the other.

Recently I started craving for fleur de sel chocolate chip cookies... and so the hunt for a recipe began. I used this recipe, but modified it by using fleur de sel instead of kosher salt. I also sprinkled the tops of the cookies with a touch more of fleur de sel right before baking.

But baking these cookies was more than a delight to the senses. It was a trip down memory lane, baking with my mother back home, when I was little. My first memory of being in the kitchen with my mother takes me back to a vivid picture of me standing on a chair next to my mom as she worked on cake batter on the countertop, with her big bowl and mixer, while I had my own kitchen play set, including a bowl, spoon, and apron. She even put some flour in my bowl for me to "mix", and I enthusiastically "baked" with her, making a mess in the process. But she didn't mind. Maybe she could foresee, back then, how much I would love to cook and bake as a teenager, then as an adult. Maybe she could envision me having so much fun baking and cooking with my nephews when we were on vacation.

Some years later, when I was old enough to actually handle ingredients (7 or 8 maybe?), I remember making chocolate chip cookies with my mom and older brothers. Oh, what a big deal that was for us! Each of us had a role in the baking process. Later, when I was older, my mom told me how our family was on a tight budget then, with my three brothers and I going to school, sports, or other hobbies. But I never felt it, never felt deprived. I remember now, we had to ration the chocolate bar, back then a precious commodity for us. So we made the cookie dough separate from the chocolate. My mom gave us instructions to only put two pieces of chopped chocolate on each cookie, to make the chocolate bar go a long way. One of my brothers, of course, tried to sneak in a third or fourth piece of chopped chocolate on a few cookies, trying to remember where those "extra special" cookies were on the baking sheet for him to eat later.

Then I remember, years later, when we first tried US-made chocolate chip cookies. I remember looking at the cookies disbelievingly, because each cookie was studded with chocolate chips. But even as I look back to our childhood memories of chocolate chip cookies, with only two small pieces of chocolate on each one, it didn't matter. What mattered was the experience we had -- learning to take turns, learning to take on roles, learning to help out and cooperate, and learning about the joys of making something from scratch. And having fun, without gadgets and video games (which we never had, growing up, but I didn't mind). It goes to show how valuable the experience is. The experience of family, of being together. What I learned from these experiences back then are my anchors as an adult. And no matter how old I get or how far away I move from home, remembering these moments ground me in what I think is essential in life: nurturing relationships. Nourishing each other, not just through food made with love, but nourishing each other by giving undivided attention, listening, and exercising patience and compassion. The actions I experienced as a receiver, as a child, have become my anchors. Anchors which I hope to pass on to my children in the future. And my children's children.

Now, I look back with fondness as I made these "grown-up" chocolate chip cookies. It's amazing how the simple act of mixing butter, sugar, eggs, flour, and chocolate makes me think about my roots.

And it's funny how, as an adult, I never spent for cable TV service, but I will choose to make a splurge of $10 for something as "basic" as salt. Well, not just any salt, but fleur de sel. Anyway, clearly I know my priorities. :)

Waiting for cookies to cool

Here's what I do: since I don't bake the cookies all in one sitting, I freeze the rest of the dough. But before I freeze them, I mold them using a small cookie scoop for easy thawing later.

So here are my childhood cookies, all grown-up: I do allow the indulgence of mixing in the chocolate chips with the cookie dough. And the fleur de sel adds a grown-up touch. But more than that, I find joy in thinking that I can also nourish someone else's soul. Even if it's just through chocolate or cookies. But it's something made with love, attention, and fond memories of the moments that really matter.

when yoga and photography collide

2011-01-20T11:26:00.002-05:00

Photo by my dear friend - see her work here and here.

I've often written about how photography becomes a meditative act. I find that when I rush through the process and experience of photography, I also end up being unhappy and uninspired with the resulting images. And it makes perfect sense.

With all the high-tech photography gadgets out there, it can become easy to get caught up in the sparkle of technology. We are almost led to believe that we can control everything. But there are still things that are beyond our control. Such as sunshine. The way sunlight gently shines on dewdrops or the petals of a flower. Or the way it reflects on water. Perhaps a cloud moves and creates shade - and in that second, the light changes. Temporarily, at least. But this is why photography is an act of patience, reflection, and even a sense of submission to what is present. Which is why I think photography is about being mindful, aware, and... yogic. Photography, like yoga, is a chance to give thanks. To enjoy the moment. To be fully present in what is.

Anyway, my real reason for this post is to share this article about "The Slow-Photography Movement". The author could not have articulated it any better. Read it here.

Photo-op of photo-op

Taken by my dear friend Minnie, Maryland 2008

mornings

2011-01-17T11:11:00.000-05:00

The sunlight is glorious on this Monday morning. In the long, gray, dreary winters of Cleveland, sunshine is like a miracle. I love it. I've been fortunate that in all the places that I've lived, my bedroom window always faced east. The sun is so energizing.

I've already spent some of the morning assembling a 3-tier rolling shelf in an effort to reduce clutter and organize my workspace, physically and mentally. Trying to start the week off on the right foot. :)

I might brave the 18-degree temps today and bundle up for a walk.

Meanwhile, a breakfast of champions:

Homemade bread and peanut butter topped with sliced dates

Happy Monday!

ants in your (yoga) pants?

2011-01-13T14:31:00.000-05:00

So I was wondering why I felt so "antsy" today.

I couldn't sit still, couldn't focus on any one thing for more than a few minutes. I had so many things to think about and do for the next few days.

Then I realized that the problem was right in front of me:

Exhibit A

To make matters worse:

Exhibit B

See my issue?

CLUTTERED DESKTOP.

Not just the physical desktop (oh yeah, that is cluttered too by the way -- files and folders and notepads and books), but my computer desktop. All those Firefox tabs, open documents, etc etc. And I'm totally giving myself away with the Exhibit A image above: out of the 8 visible open tabs, 1 is for email (thank goodness for automatic email forwarding, so I only have one main account to check!), 2 are recipe searches, 2 are for teaching, and 2 are yoga related. And 1 tab is on the weather channel because I tend to obsess about it (the island girl is STILL not used to winter).

And worse, I have not one, but TWO cluttered computer desktops because I use both Mac and Windows on my Mac (sounds geeky, I know...). So I have files open on Windows too because some of my shared virtual workspaces are only Windows-friendly.

Aaaah. The nature of the multi-tasking beast.

I don't think multi-tasking is wrong necessarily. It's what helps me cook soup, clean the apartment, design my online course space, and listen to a podcast at the same time. But at what point does multi-tasking make work ineffective? At what point does it slow you down?

The thing is, there's physical clutter and mental clutter and "electronic clutter". It's all the same. Clutter is CLUTTER.

Clutter gives me the "ants in your pants" feeling.

Meanwhile, I am making the decision to take a half hour break, turn my laptop to "sleep" mode, and practice some pranayama and meditation. Turning off my electronic clutter.

I remember one of my 2011 words: BALANCE. Working on it...

What do you think about physical/mental/electronic clutter? How do you manage it?

"creamy" tomato bisque

2011-01-11T21:44:00.003-05:00

...without the cream.

Don't get me wrong, I am not against heavy cream. Sometimes I just HAVE to have it. Whether it's to make homemade caramel or to top off an intense dark chocolate pudding, cream is just... sigh. In fact, one of the most unforgettable foodie moments A and I shared is when we went to this brunch place called Vine and Bean Cafe, ordered one of the best waffles I've ever tasted, and asked for another serving... Not a second serving of waffles, but another helping of whipped cream to eat with the rest of our waffles. Seriously. We enjoyed waffles with whipped cream like it was nobody's business. I wouldn't have been surprised if the server asked "You want a waffle with that?" while we were spooning whipped cream out of the little cup. It was bordering on shameless, I know... but I hope they take that as a compliment.

Anyway, before I go on into a foodie daydream about Vine and Bean's "vanilla bean buttermilk waffles topped with warm peach rhubarb compote, *honeyed whip cream*, and striped with house-made caramel sauce" (isn't that enough to make you want to go out into the freezing cold and visit the cafe RIGHT NOW?), I did set out to share a recipe. So why no cream in this one? Well, I could have used cream, but I didn't have any... and I was in the mood for soup and getting ~~grumpy~~ hungry, and knew I needed to eat something. And almonds, which are in this recipe, are so good for you... a good source of protein, healthy fats, fiber, and vitamin E. It's nice to lighten things up once in a while.

So here goes...

"Creamy" Tomato Bisque
(serves 2)

half a medium onion, chopped
1 celery stalk, chopped
a few fennel stalks, chopped (I know that the onion-celery-carrot trio is the "holy trinity" soup base, but I was out of carrots... and I had leftover stalks from a fennel bulb I ate a few days ago)
1 garlic clove, minced
1 1/2 cups diced or pureed tomatoes (when tomatoes are not in season, I prefer the Pomi brand of packaged tomatoes as they have BPA-free packaging)
2 cups vegetable broth
1/4 cup (maybe more?) of ground almonds or almond meal (you can buy this at Trader Joe's... or you can grind whole almonds in a food processor. Just happened to have the almond meal which I used for a pie crust)
salt, pepper, lots of basil

Start with a heavy-bottomed soup pot.

Saute the onion, celery, and fennel in some olive oil. Add a pinch of salt to help soften the vegetables. Once they have softened, throw in the minced garlic. I like to wait until the onion, celery and carrots (or in this case, the fennel) are soft before adding in the garlic, because garlic tends to burn faster and get bitter - not good for soup!

Add the tomatoes, broth (or water), and basil (save a little bit for later!). Bring it to a boil, then lower to a simmer. Let it simmer for about 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. Enjoy the smells of your kitchen, and pretend you're in a Tuscan villa...

Sorry. Back to the soup...

Add the almond meal, then take the soup off the heat. Use an immersion blender and puree the soup until smooth. The almond meal adds a heartiness and creaminess to the soup, without the need for cream. Add more broth if needed or if you would like a thinner consistency. Check and adjust for seasoning, then add a little more chopped basil before serving. Serve with some crusty artisan bread with some really good, fruity extra virgin olive oil (this unfiltered kind is my favorite) on the side for bread dipping.

balance and nourishment

2011-01-10T13:31:00.014-05:00

I've started to feel overwhelmed lately.

I sat down and listed my to-do's for the next 6 months and the rest of the year and I almost went into a semi-panic, looking at my list of at least 5 big projects, all of which have to do with my academic life.

So I got up and made some soup.

(Recipe to follow later... it was REALLY good, by the way).

But such is my defense mechanism. Cooking and creating soothe my nerves, and provide me with some grounding and centering. An opportunity to breathe.

Then I went back to work.

Before I go on, I have a feeling that this will be a long blog post. I've been doing a lot of introspection lately... mostly on my professional/academic life. It must be because I've been working on my academic portfolio for the past several days. But anyway...

In thinking about my defense mechanism/stress relief (a.k.a. my compulsive, I-have-to-do-it-now stress-cooking sprees), I went back to thinking about my word for this year. In my journal, I wrote that the word I want to encapsulate 2011 to be BALANCE/BALANCED. Last year (2010) was about COURAGE and INSPIRATION, to tackle the many challenges ahead. 2009 was about TAKING ACTION, because it was a year of opportunity, decision-making, and transitions. I do like thinking of my big words for the year.

But I was led to think about how I want to achieve BALANCE: a BALANCED state of mind, body, and soul.

Why BALANCE? I started thinking about how I love balancing poses.

Tree pose, New Hampshire, Summer 2006

photo by Dad

Tree pose, Maryland, Fall 2008

photo by Minnie

I do love balancing poses. I don't mean that I never fall out of them -- I do, just depending on the day -- but I still love them. Maybe it's my dominant vata dosha in my personality in need of grounding, or my childhood gymnastics aspirations. I love all the elements that make up a balancing pose like tree or half-moon, or my favorite, dancer pose.

Dancer pose, Cincinnati, Summer 2006

photo by Jen

Dancer pose, Cleveland, Winter 2010

The centering of focus, the attention to the breath, the feeling of strength and stillness coming from deep in your core. The feeling of integration: integration of breath, mind, and body, the integration of subtle movement and peaceful stillness. The integration of process/effort and form/outcome, no matter what the outcome is -- whether it's gracefully achieving the pose you sought out to do, or modifying it, or falling out of it...gracefully, or not. It's all ok.

In my senior year of college, my best friend of 20+ years wrote these words to describe me: "a pillar of quiet strength." Words I hold very dearly. When I feel good in an asana practice, when I feel in tune with my body and mind, that is how it feels: Quiet strength.

So how do I take these lessons of balance and integration into my life?

To do that, I didn't set out to make a list of new year's resolutions in the manner of writing "things" to do. I didn't want to make a list of to-do's, only to abandon them by February. I find that I'm constantly reflecting, planning, and re-evaluating my choices throughout the year anyway. So instead, I wrote first about the things that throw me off balance:

Poor sleeping habits
Not enough vegetables
Not enough movement, or too much
Not enough sunshine and fresh air
Not enough creativity
Not enough quiet time
Not enough community...and by that I don't necessarily mean always being part of an organized, structured group... but to me it could mean an enjoyable conversation with one person, a few persons, or several
Not enough chocolate (I know, I know.... *wink*)

Ironically, in this day and age of gadgets and gizmos and technology in all shapes, sizes, and forms, all the things that I need for balance are really just basic things. Well, almost, depending on how you classify chocolate. :)

So how do I address those things that throw me off balance? Instead of writing a list of WHAT to do, I wrote about the HOW. How I'm going to do things, and how I'm not going to do things.

I came up with this list:

To do, not overdo.
To strive for excellence, not perfection.
To nourish and be nourished.

The words NOURISH and BE NOURISHED leaped out of the page. I suddenly remembered that the words "Nourish your life" were on my vision board which I created in 2008.

It's funny how words come back. It must mean something.

I reflected on the words some more, thinking about how they are, or can be at work in my life. Nourish your life. Nourish. Be nourished.

So it's no secret that I love, love, LOVE to cook...

(Joy in the kitchen... bad hair day and all :) My brother took this surprise photo of me while I was preparing food for my 28th birthday dinner.)

And I love, love, LOVE to eat...

(Cutting into my flourless chocolate cake (thanks to this friend) on my 28th birthday, which was in... gulp... 2007. This was an evening of pure joy.)

...because cooking nourishes others, as it does myself. I love it when I make a great dish, unplanned, out of random ingredients I have in the pantry and refrigerator. I love it when I revise others' recipes and make it to my own liking. I love the ease in cooking, the slowness of it. The simplicity, or complexity of a dish, to suit your mood. The creativity of improvisation. The act of waiting, the element of anticipation and surprise. The combination of artfulness and precision of technique (ok, so I felt like an impostor saying that, not being professionally trained...) that results in a pretty baked treat. The memories attached to certain kinds of food. Yes, I fully attest to being an emotional eater... and I will assert that being an emotional eater -- in the way I described above -- is not necessarily a bad thing. I've said over and over again how being in the kitchen is therapy for me. And I love sharing this joyful experience by sharing a meal with a friend, or a few, or a big group... or gifting someone with homemade treats.

But more than that, I'm thinking of nourishment beyond the physical sense. Thinking about how I can nourish and be nourished in my academic life, my work life, my personal life. I think that is how I can achieve balance and be balanced.

And I realize....

To nourish someone else's learning, I need to nourish my own. I was trained as an early childhood educator, and in my years of teaching I have always felt the need to find ways to re-energize myself, to refill my cup, so to speak, so that I can face the next day and give my renewed energy. I've always found teaching not just physically or mentally challenging, but emotionally challenging as well... especially when working with special populations of children and families. I learned, though experience, that I need to prevent myself from being emotionally burned out so that I can still be effective as a teacher. Now, I am no longer working with children directly, but I am teaching adults. Being new to the world of college teaching, I am constantly second-guessing myself. Did I do enough? Did I communicate effectively? Did I model the same level of preparedness and professionalism as I expect from students? Did I evaluate students' work fairly? Did I support students' learning? Was I flexible enough to respond to students' needs, while still remaining consistent in my expectations? Did I share at least one thing that will make an impact on their professional lives? And most importantly: Did I honor each student's self-esteem and personhood?

I'm trying not to be too hard on myself, as I usually am. It's still a work in progress. I understand that this is a growing process. Instead, I am finding ways to nourish my own learning and growth. Whether it's doing research on effective teaching practices (yes... nerdy, I know... but such is the life in academia), or reflecting on my teaching. Whether it's talking to a peer going through the same experiences, or seeking mentoring from someone more experienced than I. I realize that all these are sources of nourishment.

To nourish someone else's spirit, I need to nourish my own. To exercise love and compassion toward others, I need to practice those same qualities towards myself. That means...

To do, not overdo (yes, I said it again... I think I need to constantly repeat these words to myself. Stubborn me.).
To work hard, and rest well
To set high standards for myself, while being gentle and forgiving towards mistakes
To learn from mistakes, and also reward myself for a job well done
To set my own standards based on what I value as important, meaningful, and nourishing to myself and others. This is, and will be, a big challenge... because I am at a phase in my professional life in which it's all about meeting external standards and satisfying other people's expectations to get through. It is a PhD program, after all. I obviously need to think about this one some more...
To immerse myself 100% in the process, but practice acceptance and non-attachment toward the results. In yogic/Sanskrit terminology, non-attachment is "vairagya". Oooh... that will be another challenge. I will have to remember the lessons from my asana practice of balancing poses: focused practice in the process, but acceptance and non-attachment towards the outcome.
To be generous of my time and my gifts, while allowing myself time and opportunities to give "gifts" to myself. Not material gifts, but time for activities like writing/journaling/reflecting, time for movement and meditation, and time for art and creativity.

So, the big words for 2011: BALANCE and NOURISHMENT. Let's see how this year unfolds...

a question a day

2011-01-06T16:08:00.001-05:00

My dear friend Jen gave me this delightful little box of questions to think about.

In answering the above question, I found myself having difficulty settling on just ONE thing. Then I re-realized that there are so many things in life that bring me joy. It really doesn't take much...

In thinking about my response to the question, I wanted to really think about things that I don't feel like I SHOULD be doing. Just things I WANT to do.

Here's my short list:

a good stretch: sun salutations, as few or as many as I feel like doing; or a nice long yin stretch
a conversation with a loved one: whether just a quick "hi" to a long juicy update
a belly laugh
take a photo
read an excerpt from a favorite book
dance

This box is full of surprises... I'm going to have fun with these questions in the days/weeks/months that follow. Thank you, Jen!

What one (or a few) joyful thing(s) do you wish you could do regularly?

new year, new haircut

2011-01-05T12:57:00.001-05:00

Ok, since I've been on a roll with this New Year thing... ;-)

I got a new year haircut! Donated 10 inches of hair to Locks of Love, a "public non-profit organization that provides hairpieces to financially disadvantaged children in the United States and Canada under age 21 suffering from long-term medical hair loss from any diagnosis" (see more information here)

Here's my "before" shot:

It was SO long - and always in tangles!

And "after":

Locks of Love haircut 2011

Here is a shot of my first Locks of Love haircut, 4 years ago:

Locks of Love haircut 2006

Change is good. :)

new year, new adventure, newfound courage

2011-01-04T10:46:00.002-05:00

So this is a somewhat delayed New Year blog post... but I had been busy over the New Year weekend. I went down to Cincinnati and helped my good friend and her husband pack their apartment to move to New York City. Of course, I was tasked with packing up the kitchen. ;-)

What a timely way to move - what better than to have a fresh start, a new beginning, at the start of the new year?

My friend joked to me, "Why is it that at least one of us is always in boxes?"

my move in 2006

It's true. Most of her belongings will be going to a storage unit temporarily as she will be staying with an aunt in the city before they find a place. Going from a spacious 3-bedroom unit in a mid-size Midwestern city to an apartment in Manhattan is no joke.

Similarly, since November of last year, many of my belongings have also been in storage (thanks to my brother's large basement) while I am living the student life again.

I wonder if this is a sign that we'll never really get settled too long in any one place. Granted, this friend of mine has been moving and traveling pretty much all her life. I stayed in one place in my home country for most of my life, but traveled after I "came of age" at 24 when I first moved here for graduate school in 2003.

As much as I long to lay down roots and feel settled in a place and in a community, the call of adventure and opportunity is always there. It knocks, it beckons, it shakes me to my core until all I can hear in my gut is, "JUST GO."

It's the call of a dream -- a dream that tugs at your heart and soul, wanting to be fulfilled. It's the call of your inner voice, wanting something more, knowing that you are capable of surprising yourself. It's the call of a secret passion, whatever that may be, wanting to come alive. It doesn't matter if the dream comes to fruition overnight (which it almost never does) or if the dream unfolds slowly -- but we are called to take action, bit by bit, no matter how small... as a sculptor slowly works on a stone or piece of wood, chipping away at it until it finally becomes a work of art. And the art here is not just in the product, but in the process -- as it is in life.

It's an invitation to be courageous.

And how interesting that the root word of courage is from the Latin "cor"/"cour", which means "heart" (hence "coeur" = "heart" in French). In a TED talk by Brene Brown, she defines courage in this sense as "to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart." It's the courage to be passionate, vulnerable, and imperfect... even when life is scary.

"bleeding hearts" flowers, Asheville NC, 2009

Another friend of mine shared this excerpt with me a few years ago, and I thought now is a good time to share it.

"May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you're wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself." - Neil Gaiman, writer and artist

And my New Year wish for you and me is: May you find courage to wholeheartedly live out your story.

authenticity

2010-12-30T09:05:00.004-05:00

I've been reflecting on this notion of authenticity. My reading has led me to the work of Dr. Brene Brown, an author, speaker, and research professor who studies vulnerability, courage, authenticity, and shame. Here are her big questions:

"How do we learn to embrace our vulnerabilities and imperfections so that we can engage in our lives from a place of authenticity and worthiness? How do we cultivate the courage, compassion, and connection that we need to recognize that we are enough – that we are worthy of love, belonging, and joy?" (http://www.brenebrown.com/welcome)

Wow. After writing a blog post a few months ago on using a mantra "I am enough" to reduce my anxiety and worry, I got goosebumps after reading that question. Someone is actually studying this? And not just studying it, but writing and speaking about it? I felt this sudden realization that I am not alone in my ramblings. I felt a sudden sense of connection. It was like Dr. Brown was speaking directly to me. Because the reality I believe is that we are all somehow connected within our personal journeys. It's what makes us human.

I also viewed her TED conference video on vulnerability and authenticity. Her talk was so heartfelt and insightful, yet lighthearted and funny. The last slide in her presentation brought tears to my eyes. Watch it here:

In her website I came across this postcard of writings by Dr. Brown. It was like a personal message. A friend of mine calls it "God Winks".

You can download your Authenticity 4x6 card (for free) from Brene Brown's website. Click here!

Some thoughts I will be thinking about before the new year...

How do I define and practice authenticity in my own life?
How can I balance being authentic AND productive (i.e., in my work)? Can these two qualities work together compatibly?
How can I be most authentic in my relationships with others? In my inner/spiritual life? In my professional life?
How do I let myself be vulnerable, so that I can also be compassionate to myself and others?

Happy New Year everyone! Here's to our own journeys towards our most authentic selves in 2011.

this year's Christmas treat: Alfajores

2010-12-29T11:05:00.008-05:00

A couple of weeks ago, I had been overcome by a sudden craving for Alfajores. It happened just out of the blue, as most cravings do. But it must have been the longing I have for home, as my homesickness gets extra strong this time of year.

I had not eaten an alfajor in years. I have memories of having them back home, and I distinctly remember the last time I had it. It was the last Christmas I spent in the Philippines, before I left to come here. I was teaching at that time, and the mother of one of my students gave me a box for Christmas. That was probably the best I had.

You're probably asking - what are alfajores? It's yumminess in a neat little package.

It's smooth, creamy, sweet dulce de leche sandwiched in between crumbly, light, buttery vanilla shortbread.

Isn't that enough to make you hooked?

So I was on the prowl (ok, so that's a little dramatic). I searched online for recipes, and one of the first few that came up was this recipe from the blog Matt Bites. Being an occasional reader of his blog, and admirer of his food photography, I went ahead and tried his recipe. It had been featured in Martha Stewart, after all.

Later, every empty surface in the kitchen was covered by either some ingredient or a cookie sheet or cookies on a cooling rack. Even the rack of the oven toaster (powered off, of course) was used for cooling cookies! But during all that kitchen mayhem, the apartment smelled like butter, sugar, and vanilla. And I waited in anticipation to try one alfajor.

So I spread some dulce de leche -- homemade* -- on a cookie to try.

Sadly, it was not how I remembered. The recipe produced a cookie that resembled something more like a sponge cookie, not the shortbread kind of texture I was looking for. Also, after the cookie baked, it was not flat -- it was shaped more like a mound, so when you turn it into a sandwich cookie, it does not sit level on a surface because of the rounded bottom. I must have done something wrong in the mixing, as something made the dough rise during baking, and my results did not match the picture on his blog. It's not that the cookie wasn't good -- with all due respect to Matt Bites -- but it just didn't match the idea of alfajores stored in that part of my brain devoted to my food memories (you do believe I truly have a strong food memory, right?).

Back to the drawing board.

So I searched for more recipes, and I finally came across this one, from the blog From Argentina With Love. Something in me made me trust the blog title. And, as I looked over the recipe, the ingredients and the proportions seemed to more closely resemble shortbread.

Back to the kitchen mayhem, with bowls, spatulas, jars of flour and sugar, cookie sheets being swapped in the oven, a sheet going in as one comes out. It's the chaos I love. There's a method to the madness here.

And finally... Eureka!!!

I even brought some with me on my trip to New Jersey last weekend to give as Christmas presents. Thankfully they survived the flight. I even crumpled some small pieces of baking parchment paper to fill the nooks and crannies of the containers, to make them travel-ready... then took the crumpled pieces of paper out right before gifting.

So I'm now on round 3 of my alfajores baking adventure. I'm still making them as post-Christmas presents, for those I have not given treats to yet. I'm trying to figure out how to make the dulce de leche not run out of the cookie. I want it to ooze out of the sides just a little, just perfectly so that people know what's inside, but not too much so that it drips out. I think I'm going to try freezing a couple of cookies after they are filled, to see what happens.

Meanwhile, I think that even if you get a box of alfajores with homemade caramel oozing and dripping out of the cookie, you wouldn't mind. I bet you would even lick the caramel off the container.

Alfajores (recipe courtesy of From Argentina With Love)

2 sticks (1 cup) of unsalted butter at room temperature
1/2 cup sugar
1 egg plus one yolk (also at room temperature)
1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
2 cups flour
1 cup cornstarch
1 teaspoon baking powder
1-2 cups dulce de leche
powdered sugar (optional)

In the bowl of a stand mixer, cream the butter and the sugar. Add in the egg plus yolk and vanilla and beat over medium speed until incorporated. In a separate bowl, mix the flour, cornstarch and baking powder together. (My addition: I sifted the dry ingredients together to make sure there were no lumps.)

Add the flour mixture to the butter mixture and continue mixing until it forms a consistent dough.

Remove the dough from the mixer and divide the dough into two balls. Wrap the balls in plastic wrap and refrigerate for at least half an hour or overnight.

Position the baking rack in the middle of the oven. Preheat the oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit. Unwrap the dough and roll it out (it will be cold and stiff at first) onto a floured surface.

(My addition: I let the dough sit at room temperature for about a half hour. I rolled the dough in between the 2 sheets of plastic wrap which I used for wrapping the dough to cool in the refrigerator. It made the rolling much easier! No worries about rolling it into a perfect circle like you would with pie crust - as you will be cutting the dough anyway.)

Roll the dough out to about 1/4 inch thickness, then cut with a small round cutter (or a juice glass). Repeat the rolling and cutting until you have used all the dough.

(My addition: I rotated the dough a quarter turn every so often when rolling -- again, this is easy when the dough is in between the 2 sheets of plastic wrap! Rotating the dough helps ensure that you roll it out evenly, so that one side is not thicker than the other. I floured the rim of my glass before cutting the dough, so that the dough doesn't stick to the glass. As you roll and re-roll the dough scraps, the dough becomes warmer, so you will have to use a lighter hand with the rolling pin. If it gets too soft and you are no longer making clean cuts with your cookie cutter, you can refrigerate the dough again for 20 minutes or so.)

Place the cookies on a parchment-paper lined cookie sheet, and bake for 15 minutes, just until the edges start to brown.

(My addition: I baked them for 6 minutes first, then rotated the cookie sheet 180 degrees-- just to make sure it bakes evenly -- then baked them for another 6 minutes. I only bake one sheet of cookies at a time for even baking.)

Let the cookies cool completely, and then place a generous dollop of dulce de leche on one cookie, topping with another cookie to make a sandwich. Press gently together. Cover in sifted powdered sugar, if desired.

This recipe makes about 30 alfajores. Enjoy with coffee, hot chocolate, or tea!

(The mug above with the word "cocoa" was a present from my nephews! They know how much I love big mugs. Sweet kids :) )

* I used Alton Brown's dulce de leche recipe. Click here. I added a teaspoon of Himalayan pink salt to the recipe to balance the sweetness somewhat, and also to bring out all the flavors. I found that making the dulce de leche a day or so in advance helps, so that it has time to thicken in the refrigerator. You can buy store-bought caramel, but the homemade version is SO WORTH IT. (Was that enough emphasis?). With homemade dulce de leche, you really taste the complexity of the butter and vanilla and cream. It's just amazing. Make sure you use good unsalted butter and really good vanilla extract (not imitation vanilla, which is a sin in my world). I use the Nielsen-Massey brand of Madagascar vanilla. I store the dulce de leche in a glass jar, tightly covered, in the refrigerator. Based on my online reading, it can keep well for a month or so. Not that I would need it for that long ;-)

yoga thought for the day: post-holiday reflecting

2010-12-28T11:39:00.001-05:00

After the frenzy of the holiday rush and traveling, I am happy to get settled back into my routine. I loved my short-but-sweet visit with my family in the East Coast, seeing my nephews and niece, and spending a fun, relaxing weekend with (some of) my loved ones. Perhaps someday, my whole big family -- now living far apart -- can spend Christmas together.

I'm thankful that we did not get caught in the recent East Coast blizzard, and that we were able to fly back here in the nick of time.

The day after Christmas, I tend to enjoy my quiet moments. Moments in which I can look back and reflect on the year.

I came across this quote in an article:

"Behind every inner block, every painful feeling, every surge of resentment, is a bit of life force waiting to be freed." - Sally Kempton

What a great thought to ponder on as we prepare to usher in the new year. What are the inner blocks I am holding? What resentments do I have that I want to let go of and not carry with me into the new year? How can I let go of these to free up some of that "life force", so that I can put in more energy towards the people and things I love and value, the things that lead me to my highest, most authentic self?

joy is in the simple things

2010-12-27T10:58:00.005-05:00

During the holidays, it's easy to get wrapped up (no pun intended) in the idea of presents and material things... but at the end of the day, the true happiness lies in the simple things - being together with family and loved ones.

Sure, all the Christmas traditions are great fun:

Watching the children anticipating the arrival of Santa...

The frenzy of presents...

The element of surprise...

But it's also in the simplicity of handwritten gift tags from children...

* "Tita" means "aunt" in the Filipino language.

Children's handmade presents...

Watching my niece scribble with crayons and markers...

A three-hour (or was it four?) game of Monopoly with A., my 10-year-old nephew, my brother, and sister-in-law...

Endless peekaboo and hide and seek games with my niece...

And listening to my favorite Christmas carol Silent Night, while expressing gratitude for this day.

something to warm your heart this holiday season

2010-12-22T19:27:00.001-05:00

A friend asked me to share a story. "Some kind of specific human connection they had/have had during the Christmas season, either this year or years past" was her specific request.

I can't remember a story of my own, but I do have one to share, for which I cannot take credit. This is from my nephew, 3 years ago. He was 7 years old at the time. From the time he was little, he was always asking very interesting questions and saying the darndest things. Below was what he wrote in his letter to Santa:

******************

December 13, 2007

Dear Santa

My name is Martin. I am in second grade. Did you go to second grade? I have a brother (I don't have an older brother). My brother is 4 years old. My mom is a dentist. My mom is 32 years old. My dad is 33 years old. My dad is a builder. My wish is everyone who is poor to have money.

PS. Did you go to school?
PPS. Do you have brothers or sisters?
PPPS. Do you like your job?

From
Martin

******************
That just melts my heart...what a wish from a little boy who has had no experience of, or exposure to poverty. Life's lessons from a seven-year-old.

My brother scanned this letter into a pdf file and sent it by email to our family. I still look at it -- with his cute little handwriting and all -- and it warms my heart to this day.

Enjoy!

blackcurrant spice cake

2010-12-17T00:22:00.003-05:00

I love warming spices such as cinnamon, allspice, and cloves this time of year. It's so festive, yet comforting. Here's a very simple recipe for a delicious, moist cake which can be enjoyed with tea or for dessert with company on a cold winter afternoon. Or for breakfast, if you're like me.

Blackcurrant Spice Cake with Lemon Glaze

1/3 cup dried black currants (or raisins, but I prefer currants here)
1 cup water
1/2 teaspoon good vanilla extract - the real kind, not imitation vanilla
1/2 cup extra-virgin cold pressed coconut oil* (or safflower oil)
3/4 cup sugar (I use raw turbinado sugar)
1 tablespoon ground flaxseed mixed with 2 tablespoons water (or 1 egg, lightly beaten)
1 1/2 cups whole wheat pastry flour (note that this is different from regular whole wheat flour for bread)
1/4 teaspoon fine sea salt
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon (I like Vietnamese cinnamon)
1/2 teaspoon ground allspice
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves
1/3 cup chopped walnuts or pecans

Heat oven to 350 F.

Line a ceramic or metal baking pan (9-inch square) with parchment paper or aluminum foil, then lightly grease the paper/foil. Or, skip the paper/foil and just grease and flour the baking pan. I find the former method makes my life easier though.

Combine the black currants, water, and vanilla extract in a small saucepan until it simmers. Remove from heat and stir in the oil, sugar, and flaxseed and water mixture. If using egg, remember to cool the mixture first before adding the egg, or else the egg will scramble in the hot liquid!

Mix all the dry ingredients in a large bowl. Make sure all spices are well combined throughout. Pour in the liquid ingredients and stir. Stir in the walnuts or pecans. Avoid overmixing, as this makes the cake tough.

Pour into the baking pan, and bake for 20-25 minutes until a knife/toothpick/cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean (a few moist crumbs sticking to the knife are ok too).

Let the whole pan cool on a cake rack. Meanwhile, make lemon glaze:

1/2 cup confectioner's sugar/powdered sugar
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
1 teaspoon lemon zest (a Microplane works great for fine zest)

Mix the above ingredients, then drizzle over the cooled cake.

The cake is delicious even without the glaze, but I think the lemon brightens up the flavors. But as you can see, I already dug in while it was warm, before I added the glaze...

*You might be wary about extra virgin coconut oil in a cake. It does have a strong smell, but believe me, when you taste the cake, you won't be able to tell it was made with coconut oil. I wouldn't recommend it for recipes where the butter should stand out and recipes where you need the consistency of real sweet cream butter (like pound cake, buttercream frosting, etc.). But for recipes such as this spice cake, the coconut oil worked really well.

Coconut oil used to have a bad reputation, but that is rapidly changing within alternative health communities. Read about the benefits of coconut oil here. Aside from olive oil, EV coconut oil is the only other oil I use now. I use it for almost everything, except Italian, Greek, or Mediterranean cooking where you really need the bright, fruity flavors of olive oil.

This is the coconut oil I use -- sourced from the Philippines! (I know, I can't help it... saying that makes me proud.) This coconut oil is organic, extra-virgin, cold-pressed, unrefined, and hexane free.

Butter, however, is a different story...

"it's the most wonderful time of the year..." (some holiday ideas)

2010-12-10T14:27:00.018-05:00

I've been working on this post for a while, trying to put together (hopefully) useful information for the holidays...

I've also been trying to shy away from the tendency towards over-commercialism and over-consumption that goes along with the holidays. That makes it feel a little bit too chaotic for me, and I think it takes away from what I believe is the essence of the upcoming holiday. Whether you celebrate it in a sacred or secular way, what do the holidays mean to you?

Now I have to admit, part of this has to do with the fact that I am now a full-time student and only receiving a meager stipend for part-time work (meaning I have very little wiggle room in my budget to shop for big-ticket items as presents, from corporate chains and big box stores). But being in this situation has also made me reflect on what's necessary and what's truly essential.

But I'm also trying to avoid being prescriptive and preachy... so I'll stop there.

So for whatever it's worth, here are some ideas for an "alternative" shopping list. Websites of fair trade stores, websites of products from micro-grants (Click here and here for information on micro-grants). Hope you consider...

Ten Thousand Villages (in-store and online): Beautiful handmade items from around the world - home furnishings/decorations, clothing and accessories, paper goods, and even toys!

Global Exchange

Janet Rhodes fair trade store (in-store and online): I loved this store when I saw it in a neighboring town. Got a few unique gifts from here last year.

Global Goods Partners : Handmade gifts that support women in need.

Global Girlfriend: This one supports micro-grants for women.

* Some of the above websites have either free shipping when you reach $100's worth of purchases, or have standard/flat rate shipping, or other shipping promotions. Just check the individual website.

If you have a crafty side, how about handmade edible or non-edible gifts? Here are some links:

Chocolate Pumpkin Spice Cake

Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins

Granola

Mulled apple cider (can be packaged in a stainless steel thermos for gifting)

I like what Ina Garten (aka Barefoot Contessa) says about holiday gifting. Her philosophy is that holiday gifts should be edible or consumable. I like that. :)

Shea butter hand cream

Salt scrub

Masala chai blend (spiced black tea mix)

I've been spoiled with A's homemade chai. After trying his chai, I never wanted the packaged ones or the ones from pre-made mixes that you get in coffee shops. We jokingly say that what brought us together was his chai and my cake. Oh, and one thing he clarified way back was that "chai" actually means "tea", so saying "chai tea" is redundant. Ok, it is his language after all. :) Oh, and masala = spices. So now it drives me just a little bit crazy when I keep seeing "chai tea latte" in restaurant/coffee shop menus. Anyway...

- 1 tsp loose leaf black tea (Assam is recommended)
- seeds of 2 green cardamom pods, crushed
- 1/4 tsp ground ginger (if making it for yourself, use about a 1/4 inch slice of fresh ginger, chopped)
- 1/4 tsp ground cinnamon (if making it for yourself, you can also use 1 small piece - about 1 inch - of cinnamon stick)
- 1-2 whole cloves

I don't always use cinnamon and cloves actually... usually ginger and cardamom are fine for me, but the combination of spices is up to individual preference. So have fun, experiment and see what combination of spices you like best.

If making it for yourself, boil some water, add your choice of sweetener (I like turbinado sugar), the tea blend, and your choice of milk (cow's milk, almond milk, or soy milk).

If making it as a gift, just multiply the ingredients (tea leaves and spices). I'll let you do the math, as that is not one of my strong points. :) Mix everything in a glass jar, and maybe some written instructions for the recipient would be nice.

Or you can check out more chai recipe options here.

As an additional note: The spices used in chai -- cinnamon, cloves, ginger -- these are all warming spices, which are great for the winter months! And ginger is great for digestion.

I think a big reason I like making handmade gifts (edible or otherwise) is the time it gives me to pause and enjoy the moment without the hustle and bustle of going to a crowded shopping mall. Just thinking about the parking lot chaos on a Saturday afternoon in December is enough to make me run - or drive, I mean -- in the other direction. I will admit to making an exception though if it's something from a toy store or bookshop that I think my nephews or nieces will really, REALLY like. In which case -- as much as I can help it -- I will opt to go to a smaller, locally-owned store like this one or this one , or this little book shop, rather than a big-box store in which I will have to dodge crowds, shopping carts, and wait in long checkout lines. And, how can I resist store names like Off the Wagon, My Little Red Wagon, and The Learned Owl Bookshop?

I don't know the math exactly, but when we support and shop in local businesses, every dollar spent is worth threefold (or something like that). Basically the money goes back to the community. How can that not be a good thing?

*********************

If you live in Northern Ohio, click here for an idea for a charitable gift. For a small donation, you get entered in a drawing to win all sorts of gift cards to dine out in at least a dozen restaurants! And I'm not talking about just "any" restaurant... I'm talking about chef-owned, gourmet, local businesses. This would be a great "experience" gift - to yourself, or to someone else if you make a donation on someone else's behalf.

What are some "alternative" things you've done for holiday presents? Would love more ideas...

PS: Let's talk about packaging... I know this makes me sound like the Grinch, but the other thing that bugs me about the holidays is the amount of waste that is a result of wrapping paper, bubble wrap, Styrofoam peanuts, etc... many of which are completely non-recyclable (for instance, the shiny or foil kind of wrapping paper is harder to recycle than regular paper; Styrofoam peanuts are completely non-recyclable). However, some of them are reusable. Which is a good thing, because it takes less energy to reuse than to recycle. And it takes the least energy to reduce. Hence the order of least-to-most energy: "reduce-reuse-recycle". So anyway... gather up all the Styrofoam peanuts or bubble wrap that comes in your shipped packages, place it all in a bag, and take it to your nearby UPS store, for them to reuse.

And while we're on the topic of packaging... why not bring a reusable cloth or canvas bag when Christmas shopping? They're not just for markets or grocery stores :) There's your opportunity to "reduce," right there.

Ok, I think I've already done what I tried to avoid.... prescriptive/preachy.

However you choose to celebrate...enjoy being present with yourself and with others this holiday season.

oh, how it sparkles

2010-12-09T21:47:00.001-05:00

I'm not talking about Christmas ornaments and twinkle lights.

I'm talking about snow.

Those of you who know me know for a fact that I love sunshine. I love the sea and the sand and tropical fruit. But living in Northern Ohio is teaching me some things. One, as much as I dread winter driving, I have to see some positives about the season - beyond the everyday excuse to make old-fashioned hot chocolate (not that I need any excuse for that, anyway). I have to learn to like the snow, even just a little. Because I'll be staying here for a little while longer.

Second, there's a certain kind of quiet that goes along with winter. The kind that encourages you to pause, reflect, and feel grounded. To slow down amidst the busy holiday rush. After the heated excitement of summer, the changes and transitions in the fall, comes the silent retreat of winter.

Today, after a few days of staying indoors and working, I attempted to take a walk. So I bundled up (read: running tights, with leggings under the running tights, tank top, turtleneck top, lightweight jacket, then the outer heavier coat, hat, gloves, scarf, 2 pairs of socks) and walked around my neighborhood. It had stopped snowing after we had maybe 12 inches dumped on us over the past several days. And, the sun was shining!

Which made the snow actually sparkle. The rays of the late afternoon sun reflected on the snow like millions of little crystals. It was amazing. I wish I could say I was able to capture it in photos, but I couldn't quite approximate it.

Now this is not some earth-shattering discovery. I'm sure you (meaning you who live in places that get snow, or have seen snow) have seen snow sparkle before. But for some reason, despite year after year of experiencing snow, seeing the sun shine after a snow storm makes it seem like the first time every time.

There's the magic of nature.

Whether it's sunlight reflected on the water...

Or on dewdrops...

... nature will always find a way to sparkle. And wrap you in its sweet, grounding embrace.

May you enjoy the magic of winter and the holidays...

breath and spirit

2010-12-03T17:24:00.001-05:00

Words from one of my favorite poets, Mary Oliver:
"Are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life?"

Words I've been thinking about this week. And in my mom's usual intuitive way, she sends me this in an email:

The words "spirit", "Spiritual", Spirituality' come from the Latin word "spirare": to breathe.
We breathe in, drawing in oxygen which gives life; without it we would quickly die; it is our first food. But we cannot breathe in forever; we must breathe out too; we must give away what that has been given to us. There we have an image of the spiritual life: breathing in and breathing out. Everything we receive is a gift, free as the air. Everything we have, we have to give away, a gift, free as the air we breathe.

Breathe in: we need to go to the deepest center and find God/Spirit/Universal Energy there.

Breathe out: we need to go out to the whole world, find God/Spirit/Universal Energy and bring Him/Her there.

Wow. Quite powerful words. It's making me think about how I breathe life into my days. Which is a tough question considering how I have been living my days this week. So my mother's email was quite timely, as it gave more insight into what I've been mulling over recently.

These words are also resonating with me right now:

work as love
work as art
work as harmony with the pulse of the earth

- Pamela Slim

I've always considered my work to be a form of spirituality. In my previous job, it wasn't hard to make that connection - especially when working directly with young children and families in the human services field. This time, being a full-time student/graduate assistant/college instructor, I work mostly alone, or with a few colleagues, or with adult students in graduate classes. I've been thinking about how I am making my current work a spiritual practice. What kind of energy am I putting in? How am I breathing life and spirit into my work? But also, how am I nourishing myself so that I can keep giving my energy?

This week was especially challenging, as it has been very solitary. I spent hours and hours on end on my computer, and just relatively minimal chunks of time talking to a colleague to discuss our project over Skype. Don't get me wrong, I love my alone time. I like opportunities to be in my head or in my heart as I walk, cook, practice yoga or meditation, take photographs, or write. But I also crave conversation and community. I welcome opportunities to connect on a deeper level with like-minded people. To connect as an I and a Thou, as the philosopher Martin Buber wrote.

But my current lifestyle can be very... isolating. Which makes it difficult to find that sense of spirituality and connection. Part of the reason connecting with others is so nourishing is that it's a cycle of giving and receiving. Not of material things, but of energy. This week, I felt Mary Oliver's words so strongly. I have been "breathing just a little".

No wonder I felt so out of balance. But I have to remember, that there's a reason it's called a spiritual practice. It's not going to be perfect. It's not going to be great every day. Life itself is a spiritual practice.

I've been reflecting on this word as well:

"spirited"

It's a word that I love. I love how it sounds. I love the feeling it evokes. It's strange, I know - how I tend to love words for the way they sound and for the feelings attached to them. Much how I like the word "spring" for the way it sounds, and its associations with everything fresh and new and reborn.

But back to "spirited". The online dictionary defines it as:

"having or showing mettle, courage, vigor, or liveliness, etc.: a spirited defense of poetry."

(thanks, dictionary.com)

I think this definition is somewhat limiting though. Because what happens when your courage wanes? When you feel a decline in your energy or a loss of liveliness? What if you don't feel like bubbling over with joy or "bursting with fruit flavor"? (my favorite line from that old movie, Reality Bites)

I think being "spirited" is much more than that. It's that sense of conviction, that place of stillness, that quiet wellspring of energy deep in your gut, from which to draw strength to propel yourself forward. Even when your energy wanes, even when you don't think you can go any further. Even after you've felt like you've been giving and giving of yourself.

It's faith. In someone, in something, whoever or whatever that may be to you.

The question is, how do you call upon it? Especially in the often-hurried pace of work life?

How do you breathe life into your days? What makes you feel spirited?

what's the world coming to?

2010-11-24T21:27:00.001-05:00

So I heard on NPR that the day after Thanksgiving, or what is known as Black Friday, is also the "National Day of Listening". On this day, we are encouraged to invite someone to talk for an hour, while we listen.

I understand this is well-intentioned, but really?

We actually need an authority (whatever or whoever that may be) to tell us to listen to someone? We actually need to mark this day on the calendar? So what do we do on the other 364 days?

Just throwing my question out there.

gather and give thanks

2010-11-24T10:57:00.000-05:00

"I have always been curious about what joins people together than what separates them." - Yo-Yo Ma, cellist

Wishing everyone time to gather with loved ones and feel gratitude for life's many blessings.

mind on overdrive: vata imbalance

2010-11-23T09:55:00.003-05:00

It happened again... I could not turn my thoughts off last night, despite often-used strategies of listmaking, breathing exercises, putting my legs up the wall, etc. Finally at 2 or so in the morning I felt a grumbling in my stomach, and went to the kitchen for a mug of almond milk. Went back into my bedroom, and I did the worst thing of all: I turned on my computer.

Well, I figured that if I was going to be up, I might as well do something. So I did two things: looked at recipes, and read about Ayurveda. The first thing led me to this wild rice recipe, and to this other recipe for wild rice rissoles (trust the French to make everything sound elegant) and to another recipe for raisin and spice squares. Mmmm.... fall cooking.

But back to Ayurveda. I've been reading quite a bit (the little I can do in my minimal spare time) to inform myself about my current state of imbalance. My search led me to take this dosha quiz. Your dosha is your mind-body state. You may have a clear dominant dosha, or a combination. Your dosha can also change depending on your current life circumstances. There are three types: vata, pitta, and kapha. Take this quiz here to find out. It may or may not be as good as actually going to a trained Ayurveda specialist, but it was, after all, 2 in the morning.

And these were my results:

It's starting to make sense to me.

The only thing I completely disagree with is the part about appetite: "often miss meals." Not this vata. ;-)

Most of it sounds pretty accurate, I'd say... especially the qualities of a balanced vs imbalanced vata. On good days my creativity flows freely... on imbalanced days, overplanning, overthinking, insomnia and anxiety definitely kick in.

So now what? Ayurveda, being a holistic, integrative system, also recommends daily life choices that keep your dosha in balance: food choices, exercise choices, and other daily routines. For my dosha, warming foods were recommended (cooked grains or oatmeal with warming spices like cinnamon; chai with cardamom, cloves, ginger, cinnamon; warm soups and stews.... all of which I love). Grounding exercise choices, such as yoga and moderate walking, were also recommended. Balancing poses, especially, provide a feeling of integration from the top of head, all the way through the body, and down to the feet. No wonder I love dancer pose and balancing sequences. More below from the website:

Needless to say, all of the above would be beneficial for anybody, I think.

This is certainly just the tip of the iceberg... there's so much more to learn. It definitely makes for interesting reading at 2 in the morning.

Thoughts on Ayurveda?

"push and yield"

2010-11-16T23:29:00.002-05:00

An excerpt from one of my favorite yoga books:

"Every yoga posture involves a 'push' and a 'yield'. Pushing is an active force that moves the body further and deeper into the posture, gently exploring areas of tightness. Yielding is a passive force with which you wait and listen to the moment-to-moment feedback from your body; it's a letting go of resistance that allows the active force to be successful without being aggressive. The pushing and yielding elements occur simultaneously, as in a dance. Done properly, therefore, yoga is a matter of pushing and yielding, of 'doing' and 'not-doing,' at the same time."

- Erich Schiffman, Yoga: The Spirit and Practice of Moving Into Stillness, p. 48

Isn't this how we should live life? To aspire for balance through pushing and yielding. We need that "push" to challenge ourselves, but we also need to know when to "yield" and let go of control.

More to learn. So much to learn.

fall recipe: "white" chili

2010-11-15T14:11:00.005-05:00

I'm taking a break from my regular musings on balance and stress relief, in favor of sharing a new recipe!

Fall always makes me think of chili. But after 2 rounds of the regular "red" vegetarian chili -- tomato-based stew with red kidney beans and peppers -- I felt a need to experiment and try new combinations. Hence, this "white" chili.

Enjoy!

Hearty Vegetarian White Chili

olive oil
1 medium onion, chopped
2-3 medium carrots, chopped to small pieces
4 garlic cloves, minced
1 tsp salt
2 tbsp ground cumin
1 tbsp ground oregano
2 tsp chili powder, or more or less to taste... I went with "more"
2 tbsp flour
a slosh of white wine... 1/4 - 1/2 cup maybe?
1 can chickpeas, drained and rinsed (I know... I used canned. Didn't plan ahead and soak dry chickpeas. You can also use cannellini beans or other white beans)
4 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
1/2 cup bulgur (medium or coarse), rinsed and drained
1/2 - 1 bunch of greens of your choice, chopped or torn to bite-size pieces (I am loving Swiss chard and collard greens for this recipe. For hearty stews I prefer chard or collards over spinach... spinach tends to wilt down to almost nothing)
a pinch of crushed red pepper flakes
salt and pepper
chopped cilantro* (or parsley if you prefer)

Heat olive oil in a ~~Le Creuset~~ (I wish!) big, heavy-bottomed soup pot. Add the onions and season with 1 tsp of salt - chefs on TV say to season as you go or season every layer, and it does make a difference so you don't add a ton of salt at the end that doesn't get fully absorbed by the ingredients anyway. Of course, start with just a small pinch of salt each time you season so that you don't risk over-salting the dish. The salt also helps cook the onion by drawing the moisture out. (Thanks, Ina Garten)

Add the carrots and saute until crisp-tender. The carrots help add natural sweetness to the stew to balance out the warm spices. Add the garlic and the spices (cumin, chili powder, and oregano). Adding the spices at this point in the cooking process toasts them and brings out their flavor. Add the flour and cook for a minute or so to cook off the "raw" flour flavor. The flour will help thicken the stew later. Add a good slosh of white wine to deglaze the pot and scrape the browned bits on the bottom with a wooden spoon. You want those browned bits -- that's where the flavor is!

Pour in the broth. It will look like a LOT of liquid, but don't worry, it will get reduced down. Add the chickpeas (or white beans). Let it come to a boil, then lower the heat to a simmer. Once it's boiling, add the bulgur. The bulgur will also absorb some of the liquid. It also adds texture and makes the stew more hearty. Add the crushed red pepper flakes. Start with a small pinch, as the flavor gets concentrated during the simmering. Stir in the greens. It will look like a whole lot of greens, but it will wilt down as the stew cooks.

Let it simmer until it thickens and until it reaches your desired consistency. You can add more broth or water if too much got absorbed or reduced while cooking. Season with salt and pepper. Add a generous amount of chopped cilantro. If you're one of those people who think that cilantro tastes like soap, use parsley instead. (But I would argue that really fresh cilantro should NOT taste like soap. Like the little cilantro I had growing this spring/summer. Best ever.)

You can also sprinkle some grated cheese on top if you like, but I did without it. And if you're like me and really like cilantro, sprinkle a little more cilantro on top of each serving.

This was a great one-pot meal, and one-bowl meal. It was colorful, flavorful, and healthy! I wish I could take a photo, but I left Nick (my Nikon camera) at A's house last weekend. Gasp!

This makes a LOT of stew for one person... I typically let it cool a little, then portion it out into reused glass jars for freezing (I find that peanut butter glass jars are perfect for this). Make sure you leave enough room below the lid of the jar as the liquid will expand when frozen. So, instead of eating this same dish for 5 days straight, you can enjoy it another day, after enough time has passed for you to miss it. I have to say I love my homemade "frozen dinners". I usually have 3 or 4 different kinds of homemade soups or stews that I can choose from in the freezer, because I always make a big batch each time I cook to save time and energy. A few hours before dinner I take the jar of frozen soup/stew and immerse it in a container of water to thaw out.

* A note on cilantro, other fresh herbs, and greens... I found that taking a few extra steps in kitchen prepping keeps delicate herbs and soft greens fresher longer. Have you had herbs like parsley or cilantro just wilt down and get all browned, smelly, and nasty in those supermarket plastic produce bags in your refrigerator? Ugh. Waste of $ and yummy goodness! For those who know me, you know there's not a lot that I hate but I do hate wasting food. Must be my grandmother's ways...but anway, here's what I do:
When I buy packaged salads (not the ones in the soft plastic bags, but in the stiff clamshell plastic containers or those new compostable "plastic" containers), I wash and keep those containers to save for storing greens and herbs. When I get home from the store, I take the herbs out of the mesh/cloth/plastic (whatever you use) produce bags, and sort out and discard the already-wilted stems and leaves as these will make the good, fresh ones wilt faster. I line the containers with a layer of paper towel, then place the herbs into the lined containers. The paper towel absorbs the extra moisture. I also loosen the bunch a little bit to let air circulate - don't bunch it up again in the rubber band or twist-tie it comes in! When it's time to use the herbs, wash only what you need and store the rest. I know some people also store herbs in a glass of water in the refrigerator but I found that a bit difficult to do with big bunches like parsley and cilantro.

I do the same with greens like Swiss chard, kale, and collard greens. These greens stand up a bit more to washing, so I wash them, let them dry well, discard any tough stems or stalks, and chop/tear the leaves into big pieces - as store-bought chard can be supersized (which makes me a little suspicious), and they won't fit into the salad containers. That way when I'm ready to use them in a dish, all the prepping has been done, and all I have to do is throw them into the skillet or pot and cook away.

In short... those plastic produce bags are the enemy of fresh greens in your refrigerator! For those of you who grow your own greens or are living in states that are still warm enough to have farmer's markets... I envy you. I'm sure you don't have this issue.

Ok... get cooking! Enjoy :)

"do it all, do it well"?

2010-11-12T13:34:00.008-05:00

"Do it all. Do it well."

I've been struggling with this idea for a while now.

Such is the culture of work. Productivity. Performance.

But something has to give, right?

Can one really do it all and do all of them equally well?

For example: The supermom with 2 kids, a successful, fulfilling career, and time to prepare delicious, healthy meals for the family AND volunteer at her children's school activities AND participate in community life/social life AND take care of herself.

Really? Is this an accurate, realistic picture?

I'm sure there are those who do seem like they can do it all and do all of them well. But when it comes down to it, the question is... does the above person sleep??? Does the above person really take care of herself? Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally? If so, I'd love to know how these people do it. And maybe package it all up in a bottle.

I just had a productive conversation this morning and I was told that I should give myself a range for my performance. If let's say the best performance is a 10, see if I can be ok with a range of 9-10, and if I can be ok with moving in that range. It's not setting myself up for a 10 but only performing at 2 or 3, which is different. But I need to see if I can be comfortable in the range of 9-10 (or maybe 8-10, as was the suggestion...).

Because a range of 9-10 (or whatever I decide my range is) will give me room to breathe.

Hmm. Something to think about.

It's the same in an asana practice, isn't it? We challenge our bodies and minds to try certain poses and achieve that delicious stretch... but the challenge should be just enough that we can still breathe freely and comfortably, stretch safely without harming ourselves, and have a sense of openness and lightness in our bodies. We give ourselves a range - room to have just enough challenge, but also enough comfort and steadiness in the breath. Same thing.

So I need to set a range for myself. A range that is still forgiving, a range that says, yes my work is good enough. A range that gives me space to breathe.... and space to enjoy the deliciousness of the challenge while still taking care of myself.

And maybe even a chance to sleep soundly at night.

what's your story?

2010-11-10T00:38:00.007-05:00

The body holds stories.

The body holds memories. Just as it holds tension. The aches and pains are related to certain experiences, whether it's an injury, a stressful experience, or an important event. Where you feel the tension, tightness, or aches may change, depending on where you are right now. On your story at this moment. Our bodies hold stories, and we have to listen.

I realized, that in addition to my aches and pains in my lower back (from not knowing how to sit properly - thanks to chairs that are almost always oversized for my... ahem... petite stature), hips (from sitting A LOT at the computer for work and school), and shoulders (ditto), I also tend to hold tension in my jaw. Not good.

A little TMI: My dentist, on my last visit a month or so ago, said, "I see you've been grinding your teeth at night." She asked me if I wake up with a sore jaw and/or a headache. Or if I subconsciously tighten my jaw when I'm concentrating or when I'm tense. I told her I never paid attention to that.

(And since I AM concentrating right this second I had to draw attention to my jaw just to make sure it's relaxed.)

Now that I'm trying to be more aware, I realize that yes I do sometimes wake up with a sore jaw and a headache. And yes I tend to tighten my jaw when I'm focusing, or when under stress. The body doesn't lie.

And I have to admit, that for someone who LOVES movement - from years of gymnastics, dance, swimming, yoga, etc... I don't always have the most keen sense of body awareness when I'm not doing any of the above activities.

Which tells me... that I still have so much to learn. About self-awareness. Self-monitoring. Stress management. Easing physical tension as a way to ease mental and emotional tension.

During a yoga practice, instructors would usually remind people to relax the jaw during savasana. Or any other pose. To relax the forehead and the space between the eyebrows. To relax the facial muscles even while in a challenging pose. To just breathe. It's something I have said myself in classes I have taught before, and it's something that I'm still reminding myself to do outside of an asana practice. To be self-aware in other areas of my life. It is a challenge, given that my story at this moment (and for the next couple of years) is one of intense pressure. Deadlines. Performance. Which makes it all the more important, so I can get through this current stage in my life with some degree of self-care and well-being.

So what's your story? What story are your muscles and bones telling you? Are you a writer with wrist issues? A chef on your feet all day? Does your back beg to be massaged after a day of lifting heavy items? Or does your heart feel heavy after listening to other people and helping them work through their problems?

What story are you holding in your body? Where in your body do you feel blocked? And how do you listen to your body?

help is on the way...

2010-11-08T22:01:00.016-05:00

... if we know when to ask.

I'm afraid to write about this topic here on the blog, but I have some thoughts swirling around in my head.

Last night, help came in the form of melatonin. I know... I try not to just pop pills left and right, in favor of more "natural" solutions. But after many days of restless nights and interrupted sleep, my body just really, desperately needed a good night's rest.

Especially after traveling... my trip to California was absolutely wonderful but as always, I experienced my "pre-travel anxiety", in which I go over my mental lists and notes in my head about what I have to do, things I shouldn't forget, etc, etc.... and as a result I toss and turn for hours. And this is after even making physical lists with a paper and pencil. I'm not quite sure why I experience this. I've been traveling since I was little, and I think I should be used to it... but no. The night before I flew out, I tried every trick I had: breathing exercises, mantra meditation, a few down dogs and child's poses, legs up the wall... but I could not, for the life of me, quiet my mind. It may have to do with the fact that this trip wasn't exclusively a "for-pleasure" trip, but it was for a conference presentation with a little pleasure and fun squeezed in. So I had a lot to think about - to remember this and that and the other thing regarding my conference presentation. Anyway, the night before I flew out, I ended up getting only ONE HOUR of sleep. And I had to wake up at 5 am for a 7:30 am flight.

So after I got back, I decided to take 500 mcg of melatonin. And it was the best sleep I've had in A REALLY LONG TIME.

So am I going to take this every night now? I don't think so. But I realize that it's there, when I need just a little extra help. And that is ok.

Does this make me less of a yogi? Do practitioners of yoga always need to have it all together? Inner peace, inner strength, inner ____ ? 100% unshakeable calm, 24/7/365?

I think not. I find strength in knowing that I can accept help. Whether it's in the form of prayer, intentions, mantras, meditation, asanas, stress-cooking, or a conversation with a friend. Or a pill, for that matter. Because the truth is, at that moment in time, taking it helped me so that I had enough quality rest to fulfill my obligations, my purpose, at least a portion of my life's work the next day.

And that's a good thing.

*This is not, by any means, medical advice of any sort.*

water + sunshine = PURE JOY

2010-11-07T23:59:00.003-05:00

Happy to be back home, but still dreaming of the warm sun, relaxing swims under a vivid blue sky, and the healing powers of water...

much needed space

2010-11-04T09:37:00.003-04:00

... for morning sun salutations.

I'm in California for a conference, and thankfully I packed my mat. Mornings like these are made for an asana practice.

Isn't the sunlight glorious?

favorites from Phipps Conservatory

2010-10-31T15:04:00.002-04:00

This weekend I made a quick day trip to Pittsburgh to see a couple of friends from college who were here for a business trip.

We went to the Phipps Conservatory, which is a shutterbug's paradise. Here are a few of my favorites: